


let’s give the boy a hand

by olive2read



Series: Fuckbois with Feels [1]
Category: Actor RPF, Canadian Actor RPF, Schitt's Creek (TV) RPF, Schitt’s Creek RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - First Meeting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anniversaries ..., Best Friends, Blackout sex party, Body Juice, Cupcake - hold on to your marbles!, Fuckboy Life, Keepsakes, Lube warmer ftw, M/M, Noah Reid’s BDE, Playing fast & loose with timelines, Podfic Welcome, Ramen Hair, Sloppy Messy Head, Talk to each other already!, Whoa-unf Noises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-22 19:48:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19985641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olive2read/pseuds/olive2read
Summary: Dan has an intense anonymous fuckboy hookup. A few years later, casting for a pivotal role in Schitt’s Creek, he meets the fuckboy again but doesn’t recognise him. No longer a fuckboy, Noah remembers though ... they each spiral in their own ways before they finally have to communicate ... and hope ...





	1. untouchable face

**Author's Note:**

> Set in an AU where Dan & Noah anonymously cross paths years before Schitt’s Creek. They’re both single throughout (well, mostly).
> 
> Title is from Deniece Williams’s “Let’s Hear It for the Boy”
> 
> For folks that are into this sort of thing, [I made a playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/awxp9tz6gtwyqjkxaixay2g37/playlist/71cRSPa2dd0aRQHHZ4fRtf?si=zxpT-RToScy6bB1DNjZdkA) of the songs referenced in the chapter titles 🤗

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometime in 2009, early April-ish probably, Dan heads to an LGBTQ+ bar / theatre space for a drink and meets a fuckboy that blows his _mind_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Ani Difranco’s “Untouchable Face”

###### Dan

Dan looked around and half grimaced, half smiled. He hadn’t been to Buddies in ages and, while the nightclub stuff wasn’t really his scene, he had such a nostalgic fondness for this place. He wove his way through the crowd and sidled up to the bar. Drink in hand, he made his way back through the crush of bodies and found a place up against the wall where he could keep an eye on the few tables. He hoped a spot would open soon, as he had no real desire to stand around the fringes of the dance floor like the grumpy, tired wallflower he was.

Luckily, it didn’t take long before a couple got up and grabbed their coats, heading toward the door. Dan swooped in and snagged the table. He’d been on the verge of calling it a night as, however fun it was to watch the hot younglings gyrating, he was starting to feel like a skeevy creeper. He leaned back in his chair and tried to relax and shake off his mood.

He was only in Toronto for a few weeks before heading back to Los Angeles and a new round of auditions. The gaps in between jobs were really taking a toll on him and he’d arrived at his long-neglected apartment hoping for some much needed rest and respite, only to find a notice in the building lobby that a few apartments had been afflicted with bed bugs. They weren’t even on his floor but the very _idea_ made him shudder and he’d simply turned around, called a cab, and gone to a hotel. 

After making the arrangements to have his place fumigated, just in case, and ordering new linens, he’d been exhausted but unable to sleep. He’d lain on one of the hotel beds, staring up at the wide expanse of the ceiling, and wished for sleep. Finally, he’d sat up, rubbed his eyes, and decided that maybe a drink would help. The tasteful décor in the hotel bar, complete with soothing fountain and a pianist tinkling away at something classical, hadn’t felt right and so he’d decided to see what Buddies had on. He’d been hoping for a show but it seemed that tonight was a DJ night. Par for the course considering his luck of late, unfortunately.

He looked out across the dance floor and his eyes snagged on one of the many pretty young things. This one had on a collared shirt, with the buttons done up wrong and the top two neglected entirely, a ridiculous tie loosely knotted, and jeans slung low on his hips. Dark roots peeked through a ragged mop of bleached curls that hung down to his eyebrows. He was dancing with a carbon copy of himself and Dan couldn’t have said what it was about him that drew the eye. He wasn’t tall, he wasn’t cut, he wasn’t fashionable, and yet he was mesmerising. He shook his head and looked at his glass. How strong was his drink that he was waxing poetic about some random person on the dance floor??

Looking up again, he found the guy gazing at him intently. He turned to check behind himself but there didn’t seem to be any one else he could’ve been looking at. As he swung his head back around, his eyes caught on a glimpse of hip exposed by the low jeans that were now standing directly in front of his table. He swallowed.

“Hey,” a soft voice said. Dan’s cock perked up and he told it firmly to calm right back down. “Wanna dance?”

“No, thanks. This really isn’t my scene.” He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to explain but shrugged it off, assuming the hip would wander away but instead the jean-clad legs stepped around the table, wedged a knee in between Dan’s legs, using it to lever them open further, then stepped between them. Dan forced himself to raise his gaze and discovered a lively brown-eyed smirk, with a few garish yellow curls flopped down over his forehead.

He leaned in, stubble brushing lightly against Dan’s ear. Dan couldn’t help a shiver. “We don’t have to dance on the floor,” he whispered.

Hot breath on his ear turned into warm lips that trailed down Dan’s neck, sucking lightly, then nipping at the base of his throat. He groaned at the scrape of the blond’s cheek as it slid along the underside of his jaw and his cock reminded him fiercely that it had been months since it had felt anything other than his own hand. As their lips met, a hand slid down his torso to his cock and the blond made a pleased sound into Dan’s mouth as he gave it a squeeze.

The blond pulled back, leaving his hand firmly in place working Dan’s cock over his pants, and eyed Dan speculatively. “You wanna get outta here?”

Dan opened his mouth to say no, fully intending to be polite in his brush off, because he didn’t do that. He didn’t pick up random strangers in bars and take them home. At least, not any more. Instead, he found himself grinning and saying, “Sure.”

The blond used his free hand to haul him up and kissed him hard, other hand still on Dan’s cock, and Dan melted into the touch. The blond grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together, pulling Dan toward the door. They were outside in the cold air before Dan remembered that he’d left his coat at the check. He left the blond outside and went back in to retrieve it.

After handing over his ticket, he contemplated his options. If he wanted to duck out, this was the opportune moment. His cock would protest but they weren’t exactly on friendly terms these days anyhow. Shrugging on his coat, he paused instead of heading back outside. Going home alone was probably a better idea. He felt like a bit of a jerk for leaving the guy hanging but shook it off. That blond would have no trouble pulling tonight and Dan was working on sticking to his principles, now that he’d figured out what some of them were. Decision made, he stuck his hands into his coat pockets and stopped when his fingers brushed the hotel key card. 

He found himself outside again, his legs having taken him without checking in with his brain. The blond was leaning against the building, holding a lit cigarette. He didn’t seem to be smoking it, just holding it and _leaning_. There had to be another word to describe what was happening between the blond’s body and the building but Dan was struck dumb by the pose and the accompanying smirk. 

“D’you smoke?” He lifted the cigarette toward Dan.

Dan recoiled. “No and, quite frankly, if you want that mouth anywhere near me tonight, neither will you.”

Immediately the cigarette was gone, being snuffed under the toe of the blond’s sneaker before Dan could even blink. Dan found himself crowded against the wall, the blond’s hips pressing into his, and he realised that he was actually taller. He didn’t have time to process this information as the blond’s hands were in his hair, tugging his face down and doing his best to swallow Dan’s tongue. Dan’s cock really liked the feel of all that hot, wet suction and he found himself reaching out to tightly grip the hips grinding into his own. Dan whimpered as his cock brushed against the blond’s. 

He wasn’t sure how long they stood there like that, kissing and grinding, but when the blond pulled back, Dan was breathless and aching with want. The blond grinned at him. “My mouth is going to be _everywhere_ tonight,” he told Dan, before slamming his mouth over Dan’s once more.

Dan lost himself in the glide of their tongues, in the urgent feel of the hardness pressing against his own, in the hands in his hair and fingers scraping along the back of his neck. Minutes passed, maybe even hours, before the blond lowered a hand and snaked it under the waistband of Dan’s jeans. 

“Fuck!” Dan yelped and jumped as the icy fingers touched his skin, coming back to himself with a jolt. It struck him that the blond wasn’t even wearing a coat. “How are you not _freezing_?” he demanded.

The blond adopted a rakish grin. “You’re keeping me plenty warm.”

Dan blinked at him then shook his head. “Yeah, no, that’s great but–” he paused, biting his lower lip.

The blond leaned in and kissed him, tugging Dan’s lip out from under his teeth before pulling back with a cocky grin. “Well, then, I think it’s time to take this inside,” he said, raising an eyebrow suggestively. “Do you wanna go back to yours, oooooooor ... ?” He leaned in to nibble along Dan’s jaw.

Dan chuckled. Part of him couldn’t quite believe he was doing this, he hadn’t taken a random hookup home in years, but his body had reacted instinctively to the something about the blond since the moment he’d seen him dancing and, at this point, he wanted to see where all this chemistry got them. He didn’t think he was so shallow that it was purely physical and, besides, the blond didn’t have especially striking looks but there was _something_ about his charisma that had locked into Dan viscerally. He told himself that he wasn’t abandoning his ideals, he was following his gut which he’d been working on. He was fairly sure Trevor would approve and that gave him the courage to pull out his phone and call them a cab. “Actually,” he said, as he waited for the call to connect, “I’ve already got a hotel room.” The blond grinned and adhered himself to Dan’s side, kissing and sucking at his neck and groping his cock as Dan garbled out the address to the cab company. Hanging up, indignant and incredibly turned on, he turned to protest but instead found his mouth once more consumed.

Finally managing to wrench his mouth away as the cab pulled up, he asked, “What’s your name, anyway?”

The blond chuckled. “We don’t need to do names,” he replied before plastering his lips to Dan’s again.

They made out and groped in the back of the cab like teenagers. Dan felt more than a bit sheepish but the blond kept him occupied enough that he didn’t get far in his cringing. He shot an apologetic look at the cab driver, who regarded him with indifference.

Once they were safely ensconced in his hotel room, Dan’s nerves started to come back. Maybe this had been a terrible idea. Not looking at the blond, he shrugged out of his coat and threw it over a chair. He twisted his hands together and bit his lip.

Strong arms came around him from behind, easing his sweater and undershirt up and over his head. His glasses fell off and he scrambled after them, knocking himself into the chair, and once more the arms were there, steadying him and helping him stand. The blond turned him around so they were face to face and kissed him. There was less seduction in it this time, just warm lips soothing their way over his as now-warm hands roved over his body and lightly squeezed his ass. He felt himself relaxing into the kiss, as his breathing evened out to match the easy pace of the blond’s. 

The blond released him and smiled. “That’s better.” His hands came around to the front of Dan’s jeans. “Take off your shoes,” he murmured, kissing his way down Dan’s chest as he withdrew Dan’s cock.

It felt a bit awkward but Dan managed to toe off his shoes as the blond pulled his pants and boxer briefs down around his thighs, following them down so that he was kneeling before Dan. He gave Dan a lascivious grin before licking a long stripe along Dan’s cock and humming in pleasure. Dan’s hips jerked involuntarily and he moaned, eliciting another wicked smile. The blond licked and sucked, teasing his way around Dan’s cock until he was fully erect. 

The blond met his gaze and, without breaking eye contact, engulfed Dan’s cock to the root in his warm, wet mouth. Dan’s whole body spasmed and he thought his knees were going to buckle under him but the blond gripped his hips, bracing him, as he sucked. He slid off toward the head, swirled his tongue around it, then swallowed Dan down again, cheeks hollow with the force of his suction. 

Every time he pulled Dan all the way to his throat he made this needy noise that was driving Dan wild and every time he backed off his mouth made this wet noise that amped Dan’s arousal even higher. His lips and chin were covered in saliva. It was the most erotic thing Dan had ever seen. He would never have expected sloppy blow jobs to be hot, that type of porn had always seemed excessively messy, but in this moment he was discovering a heretofore unknown need for messy head as given by average looking guys with bad bleach jobs.

Dan felt his balls tighten on the edge of orgasm. “I’m gonna,” he said, pushing at the blond, who ignored him, “I’m gonna come.”

The blond pressed a finger to Dan’s taint and he moaned, orgasm erupting. He came hard and long and the blond just kept sucking, swallowing around Dan’s cock, drops of saliva and come leaking from the edges of his mouth. Yep, Dan definitely liked sloppy blowjobs. His cock twitched as though trying to find something more to contribute but his balls were fresh out.

The blond pulled off his cock with a pop and licked his lips, then wiped his face with the back of his hand and licked that. Dan’s legs wobbled. He stumbled over to the bed and sat down, breathing heavily and falling backward across the mattress. The blond crawled toward him, still on his knees, and slowly pulled Dan’s jeans and underwear the rest of the way off.

The blond stood and, turning to face the chair, removed his clothes. Propping himself on his elbows, Dan realised sheepishly that he hadn’t even known he was still dressed – his entire focus had been on that filthy mouth. When the blond turned back around, Dan’s eyes felt out of his head and his jaw dropped. A long, thick, uncut shaft pointed at him, bobbing with each step the blond took toward him. No wonder the guy was confident.

Dan raised an eyebrow. “I’d love to help you with that but I’m somewhat incapacitated and,” he felt himself flush, “I-I don’t bottom to strangers.”

This earned him a smile. “No worries, dude. I, um, I actually have a request?” The blond flushed and seemed to turn shy all of a sudden.

Dan, interest piqued, asked cautiously, “What’s the request?”

“Would you,” he blew out a puff of air before continuing, “would you spank me?”

Dan frowned. He’d definitely done some light spanking with partners before but it had always been in the context of sex. Seeing as he was still some ways away from being ready to fuck again, he wasn’t sure what the guy was asking for. “What?”

The blond gulped, ears turning bright pink as his flush spread up his face and down the pale smooth skin of his chest, turning his pretty dark rose nipples nearly brown. “Would you spank me? Like, like over your knee?”

Dan pushed himself up to a sitting position. “I’ve never done that before. You want like, like a punishment? You’re a naughty boy and all that?”

The blond shook his head vehemently. “No, I don’t want you to punish me or, like, call me names or anything. I just, I really like to be spanked. It’s one of my favourite ways to get off if the guy I’m with isn’t fucking me.”

Dan checked in with his cock but that was still down for the count. Musing on the request as the blond shifted uncomfortably in front of him, he didn’t think he had any real objection to it. It wasn’t his thing but he’d be controlling the intensity and could always stop if he wanted.

He nodded slowly and the blond’s eyes lit up, flecks of gold warming the brown. “Do we need a safeword or anything?” Dan asked.

The blond shrugged. “If you want. As long as you stop if I ask you to, I don’t need any special words.”

Dan considered that. It made sense. “Ok, then. What do I need to do?”

“Um, I’ll lay across your lap and that’s basically it.” The blond moved toward him then paused when he was standing with his legs pressed to Dan’s right thigh. “Oh,” he said, “and don’t slap me or touch my face or anything. Just spank my ass, ok?”

Dan blinked at him and nodded. The blond arranged himself over Dan’s lap, cock nudging into Dan’s right leg. Dan raised his right hand and tentatively brought it down. The blond squirmed on his lap.

“No, not tapping, harder. Like, really spank me, yeah?”

Dan swallowed and brought his hand down again, with a bit more force.

The blond hummed and sighed in pleasure. “Yeah, a little harder, but yeah.”

Dan gave him a few more smacks at this same level to psych himself up for more. On the next one, he brought his hand down with a stinging slap and the blond made the most incredible noise Dan had ever heard. It sort of started like he was saying “whoa” and then got swallowed into a breathy, moany “unf” sound. Dan’s cock took note and the next smack seemed to land of its own accord, his arm and hand moving without any conscious input from him. Oh, god. There it was again. “Whoa-uunnff.”

Dan gave him five spanks in quick succession, each one eliciting that glorious sound and now the blond’s hips were thrusting as the hits landed and Dan’s right thigh was being smeared with pre-come from the blond’s cock every time his hand connected. His breaths were coming faster and faster and Dan noticed his own speeding up in sympathy. The blond’s pale ass had grown warm and pleasingly pink and Dan smoothed his hand across it, marvelling at the change. His own cock was fully erect once more, pressing into the blond’s flank.

Three more and the blond choked out, “Stop!” 

Dan lifted his hand, immediately asking, “Are you alright?”

The blond gasped for breath. “Yeah, oh god, yeah. That was amazing. I-I just want you to fuck me and if you spank me any more I’m gonna come.” 

Dan’s cock throbbed at the words. The blond stood up gingerly and gave Dan an enormous grin, then pounced on him, pushing him back on to the bed and smashing their mouths together. It was an eager, sloppy, hot kiss and they rolled and rutted on the bed for a moment, ending with Dan on top. The blond broke the kiss and smiled at him. 

“Got any lube? Oh, and, um, condoms?” he asked.

Dan laughed, surprising himself with how giddy he felt. “Coming right up,” he said, sliding off the bed and heading for the bathroom to find his toiletry bag.

“I sure hope so,” the blond called after him and Dan laughed again.

He emerged from the bathroom to find the blond on his hands and knees in the bed, head over his shoulder as he waggled his pink ass suggestively. Dan grinned, shaking his head at the blond’s antics which he couldn’t help but find endearing. He felt his cock pulse at the sight of a somewhat distinct hand print on one cheek. He climbed on the bed behind the blond, drizzled some lube over his fingers and cautiously slipped one in. It passed readily through the ring of muscle and the blond chuckled.

“You don’t need to be so careful. I like to fuck and I fuck a lot so I’m not usually that tight.”

Dan took the hint and inserted a second finger. A third finger joined the others and Dan groaned when the blond pushed back on to them and started fucking himself.

“God, yes, please. I just want your cock,” he whined.

Dan fumbled a bit with the condom and then lubed himself up and positioned his cock at the blond’s entrance, pushing in gently. He groaned as his cock sank into that welcoming heat and the blond made that “whoa-uuunnnfff” noise again. Dan squeezed the base of his cock to keep from coming at the combination of the sound and the blond’s ass clenching around him. He wrapped his hands around the blond’s hips, noting with relish the warmth of the pink skin under his palms as his fingers dug into the pelvis writhing under him.

He began to thrust in earnest and the blond collapsed his upper body against the mattress, making that fucking _sound_ again at the change in angle. Dan fucked him like a man possessed, slamming their hips together and no doubt leaving bruises where his fingers pressed. He was desperate to keep hearing the blond make that noise.

In a flash of inspiration, he pulled his right hand away from the blond’s hip, raised it high overhead, and then brought it down with a deafening _crack_. The blond screamed his “whoa-uuuunnnnffff” and came, clenching firmly around Dan’s cock and dragging him over the edge as well. 

Dan collapsed over the blond’s back, both of them shuddering and heaving in great gulps of air. After a moment, he raised himself slowly and carefully extracted his cock, taking care with the condom. He staggered into the bathroom, disposed of the condom, and turned on the shower, calling out weakly, “Feel free to join me,” before stepping in under the spray. Soon he felt the blond’s arms go around him and he turned, taking the initiative this time in pressing his lips against the other man’s. They rinsed, towelled themselves off quickly, and stumbled to the unused bed. Dan sent a silent prayer of thanks that he hadn’t opted for a king as he now had a bed of pristine sheets to curl up in. Crawling under the covers, he turned to wrap himself around the blond who snuggled into him and sighed contentedly. In moments they were both soundly asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [sound inspiration at 0:04](https://olivebranchesandredwine.tumblr.com/post/186526623028)


	2. the kind of person that believes in making out once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah wakes up alone and it’s _FINE_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Prince’s “Little Red Corvette”

###### Noah

Noah woke slowly, stretching out each individual limb like a cat, with a grin bursting across his face as the soft sheets tugged across his sore ass. He rolled over, intending to say a proper good morning to the delicious cock of last night’s score, only to find the other side of the bed vacant and cold. Brow furrowing, he looked around the obviously empty hotel room. The shower was silent and the bathroom door was open, not even giving him the chance to hope the guy was still around and merely out of sight. He felt a twinge of dismay but pushed it down firmly, reminding himself it was better this way. 

His eyes snagged on a covered room service tray – and accompanying coffee pot – on the table and he rose to inspect. It was probably just the left overs from the guy’s breakfast, and Noah kicked himself for having slept through potential breakfast shenanigans, but maybe there would still be coffee. 

His heart warmed against his will at what he found. Instead of empty, used plates there was a big domed tray, a coffee pot, a lidded sugar bowl and matching cream pot, little personal salt and pepper shakers, a glass of orange juice, and a small etched glass vase with a sprig of vibrant purple flowers. The petals had wavy, ruffley edges that fluttered like wings when he spun them gently between his fingers. The fragrance was faintly sweet, not overly cloying, and Noah was absurdly happy that the cheery little things were here to brighten his morning. Trying to remind himself that the flowers were probably chosen by the hotel staff and not the guy from last night had no effect whatsoever. Even if he hadn’t personally selected the flowers, he’d left Noah breakfast and that was more than generous.

He drank the orange juice down in one long gulp, then sat and poured himself a cup of coffee. Removing the lid from the sugar bowl, his eyes lit up. He’d thought this place seemed pretty fancy and the sugar cubes cemented it. He gleefully added four cubes to his coffee then poured cream in until it nearly spilled over the side. Lifting it carefully, he took a long slurp and wiggled happily in his chair, which reminded him once more of the previous nights activities. His smile slipped a bit but his mind darted quickly away from the reasons behind that.

He focused on the covered tray in front of him. It was probably just cereal or, no, one of those yogurt parfait thingies since this place was high class. He reached for it eagerly. He felt a little silly when he realised he was holding his breath as his hand closed over the handle but couldn’t deny the feeling of ceremony in the reveal. Lifting the lid, his mouth watered at the pile of sausages and french toast, complete with a small pitcher of maple syrup. He dug in with relish.

Once he’d finished his breakfast, showered, and donned last night’s clothes, which he’d found folded neatly on a chair, he looked around. There wasn’t any reason to linger and yet he couldn’t quite bring himself to leave, even though it was obvious the guy had cleared out. He remembered that there had been a suitcase by the door and that was gone, along with every other possible trace of him. He looked carefully at every surface, including the floor. He even looked in the trash. Though he cursed himself soundly, knowing there was no reason to have expected a note, he still couldn’t help the pang of disappointment when his search bore no results.

He told himself that he was fine. He’d meet someone new tonight and have fun with them and forget about last night’s gorgeous lanky guy with the glasses. The obviously nervous guy who had spanked like a dream and fucked like a demon once he got going, then pulled Noah in and cuddled him close instead of kicking him out after, and _then_ left him breakfast. It was greedy to expect a note as well and, _BESIDES_ Noah reminded himself firmly, he didn’t do repeats. He might have made an exception, the guy had a glorious cock and a heavy hand after all, but he was _FINE_. Chanting the words to himself, and trying not to think too hard about the flowers he’d snagged from the table, he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A link](https://www.anniesannuals.com/plants/view/?id=4784), for anyone wondering about the flowers ... spoiler alert: they weren’t chosen by hotel staff


	3. ’cause I wonder where you are and I wonder what you do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fast forward to 2016 and Noah’s agent sends him some potential parts, including SC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Lionel Richie’s “Hello”

###### Noah

Noah looked at the slew of emails from Pam and sighed. He knew he needed to keep auditioning but he was so tired of pouring his heart and soul into projects that didn’t seem to go anywhere. He’d really thought Kevin would be his big break into mainstream television, that he’d become a household name, but he’d just found out the show had been cancelled after it’s first season. Which was fine. If he was being honest, he didn’t _want_ that particular thing to be what people remembered him for … but it was still the closest he’d come so far. Even his album hadn’t done much, despite trying to capitalise on the buzz of his CSA nomination for _People Hold On_. After nearly twenty years of putting himself out there, he was exhausted.

He read through the script for Tap House first, laughing more than he’d expected. He sent off an affirmative reply to Pam and settled in with a beer to read the next one. 

Half an hour later, he’d read the script bundle and character summary three times. This was good. _Really_ good. Funny, kind of over the top but in an understated way (if that was even a thing), and with a lot of heart. He already had a bunch of ideas about how he would convey seemingly uptight business consultant Patrick’s fall for the adorably high-strung, outspoken David, how to express the repression unfurling into a need to be with someone that was too big to deny. He hadn’t been this excited about a potential project in ages. He reminded himself that he still had to audition and opened Pam’s email again to reply. 

He noticed that at the bottom she’d included not only the script and character pieces but also a video of selected scenes showcasing David, the character that would be his love interest if he got the job. He opened it and froze, mouth dropping open in shock.

It was him. The hotel breakfast guy. The best fuck of Noah’s life, even if it had happened during his cringe-worthy fuckboy phase. There had been something about him, something that told Noah he could be trusted with Noah’s deepest desires, and it had been magical. He’d been at Buddies every weekend for the next three months but the guy had never come back in. Hell, he’d even gone back to the hotel and tried to charm his way to the details about who had booked the room that night. The guy had bought him breakfast and folded his clothes, for fuck’s sake. He just couldn’t believe that night hadn’t meant anything to him, he couldn’t understand why he’d never tried to find Noah, but after three months he’d sworn off Buddies and hadn’t been back since. 

He’d felt like such a cliché – a fuckboy turned serious after the one that got away – but that didn’t make it any less true. He’d gotten the part in Score not long after and had lost himself in work for awhile and then in all of the promotion for TIFF. Work had come in fairly steadily since then and he’d been concentrating on building his name and raising his profile.

A few months after he’d stopped going to Buddies, he’d starting dating a string of nice, pretty women that seemed to like him for his earnestness. They inevitably broke up after realising that Noah was a bit of a workaholic and devoted the lion’s share of said earnestness to his projects. He’d still had his fair share of hookups between relationships but, for the most part, the fuckboy life had lost it’s anonymous appeal. He wasn’t out publicly and hadn’t yet met a man that would make declaring his bisexuality worth the potential hit to his career. He hated thinking about it in such mercenary terms but it was the reality of trying to make it in show business in a cisheteronormative world. In his darker moments, he acknowledged that he hadn’t met anyone who could measure up to the breakfast guy. 

About three years ago, Jane, his then-girlfriend, had found the pressed purple flowers from that night in one of his character notebooks and had assumed his stuttered, fumbling non-answer about their source hid some deep, secret, unrequited love tragedy and had framed them in a shadow box. He’d been speechless when she’d presented the gift to him after they’d been dating for six months and, while he knew she’d been making some supportive romantic gesture, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to hang it on the wall. Jane had left him soon after. Apparently the cloud of mystery surrounding his past love wasn’t as alluring when he refused to give her details and she’d realised that she was dating someone too hung up on someone else to ever be truly hers. He’d protested but it had been feeble, even to his own ears.

He wasn’t proud of it but all these years later he still jerked off to the memory of that night. It was his go-to when he didn’t feel like watching porn and he tried not to kick himself too much about being hung up on some random hook up instead of one of his loving partners since then. He couldn’t figure out how to articulate it. It wasn’t that he was in love with the guy, he didn’t know anything about him beyond a single, albeit exceptional, experience of fucking. There was just _something_ that had felt like a true connection and Noah _still_ struggled to believe it had been entirely one-sided, despite the overwhelming evidence. It wasn’t just some misguided need for closure either, or at least that’s what he told himself. He hadn’t been able to ask any of his girlfriends to spank him, well he’d tried once and she’d been so horrified that he’d never been able to again, and had asked only a few of the guys he’d hooked up with in recent years. None of them had been able to manage what, Noah felt, amounted to a fairly straightforward request. Of the ones that had tried, none of them had been able to top that night. So he wasn’t in love, or anything, he just hadn’t found a partner who could meet this specific need and so his mind kept the memory of the one time he had. Hell, at this point he wasn’t even sure he still _wanted_ to be spanked, by anyone. So, really that was all it was. Just a nice memory for the spank bank of the wild, kinky youth he’d left behind.

He could feel his cock getting hard now as he watched the guy lighting up the screen. In one clip he set down the rules for a game night, in another he woke up next to a pretty dark-haired girl and confronted his dad, and then in the final one he sat squirming in a job interview. Noah’s eyes roved over his face, noting the changes the years had wrought, wondering how much of what he saw was the guy that had fucked Noah so thoroughly and how much was the character. He adjusted himself and took a long swig from his beer.

Noah reread Pam’s email. The guy’s name was Dan and he was not only an actor on the show but also one of its creators, the showrunner, and one of the writers. It somehow wasn’t surprising that he was so talented, professionally speaking. He watched the video of clips again. If he did this, if he auditioned for this role, he’d probably have to meet Dan. Well, meet him again. Would he remember? Noah rolled his eyes at himself. Unlikely. Considering he’d clearly had no problem forgetting at the time, it was doubtful that he was still pining away and jerking off to the memory. 

Noah adjusted himself again, trying to urge his erection away as he watched the demo reel once more. His cock ignored him, becoming more insistent as Dan’s voice rose in pitch on screen. When it cut to the next clip, the idea of Dan naked under those red sheets popped into his brain and he felt his cock pulse in agreement. Sighing in resignation, he unbuttoned his jeans, drew down the zipper, and reached into his boxer briefs to free his cock. He stroked himself idly through the job interview.

He considered replaying the video a fourth time and decided against it. His cock knew what it wanted and his pride could take the hit. He promised himself he wouldn’t allow this to become a habit, again, as he shucked his jeans and underwear and lay down. He pumped a bit of lube into his hand and groaned at the warm slickness against his cock. The lube warmer had been the first thing he’d purchased with his paycheck from Score and it was probably his best houseware investment to date.

He closed his eyes and brought up the memory of the breakfast guy’s, _Dan’s_ he reminded himself, cock. How he’d been so unsure and then lost himself to Noah’s mouth. The noises he’d made as Noah made a mess of his cock, the way his knees had nearly buckled when he came, his avid eyes on Noah’s face as Noah wiped come from his mouth and licked it from his hand.

He was jerking himself hard at this point and, knowing he was close, he fast forwarded the memory to the feel of that same cock slamming deep inside him, sliding across his prostate with every thrust, and then the shocking sting of that final spank. Noah moaned and came hard, come spurting out in thick long streams as he continued to glide his hand up and down. When it was over he lay as though stunned, panting for breath. He hadn’t used that memory in awhile and something about hearing Dan’s voice tonight had ramped it up into something more.

After cleaning himself up, he sat back down in front of his laptop and contemplated Pam’s email. Part of him felt like he shouldn’t do this audition because working closely with Dan, as their characters fell in love, might be torture. Setting potential Dan complications aside, however, he really wanted this part. It was exactly the kind of thing he’d been looking for, a part in a show that had real potential. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t heard of it before now. Plenty of great things started small and this could be something incredible. _He_ could help it get there.

He considered rescinding his acceptance of the Tap House pilot but didn’t want to count any chickens. It didn’t matter if he knew, down to his soul, that _he_ was meant to play Patrick. He still had to convince Dan and whoever else of that fact. He emailed Pam that he was interested and asked for the audition details.

He bit his lip and considered his most recent orgasm. He was going to have to wank before he auditioned and probably more than once. He didn’t know what being in a room with Dan again would feel like but, well, better safe than sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A link](https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00H5NR5EE/?coliid=I12FO9F6CRJA9Q&colid=3AM8JMJUBMFTF&psc=1&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it), for those of y’all that are interested and haven’t discovered the wonder that is warm lube 😘
> 
> For those of y’all curious about [Tap House](https://vimeo.com/176046151), yes it was a real pilot Noah did.


	4. don’t need to look no further

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan is discouraged by the string of poor auditions for Patrick until Noah wows him with his ... _acting_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Adele’s “Chasing Pavements”

###### Dan

Dan looked at his watch and sighed. It was only 2:00pm and they had auditions scheduled for the entire day, not to mention all day tomorrow. They had yet to see anyone remotely acceptable. “Am I being too picky about this?”

His dad dropped a hand on his shoulder and squeezed as Paul spoke up. “No, Dan. No worries. This casting is important and it has to be right. I think there may have been an option or two out of the group we’ve seen but I’m willing to defer to your judgement on this.”

Dan rubbed his eyes and looked over at his dad, who nodded. “Thanks, Paul, dad.” He leaned his head back and rolled his shoulders, then shook himself. “Okay, let’s bring in the next one.” He looked down at the fairly generic head shot in front of him of yet another guy trying to look interesting and soulful but not quite managing it. “Looks like a Noah Reid.”

“Are you sure, Daniel? We could take another break if you need one.” 

Dan smiled at his dad. “No, honestly, Dad, I just want to get through this day. Don’t worry, I have faith he’s out there. I just, well, I just wish he’d fucking show up already.”

They all shared a smile and Dan waved at Lucy, the production assistant coordinating today’s auditions.

The door opened and the bland guy from the head shot walked in and Dan felt his faith in the existence of Patrick slip. He was some how even less impressive in person, in a maple leaf t-shirt and long, ragged jean shorts, dirty sneakers, and short hair with a slight curl that hadn’t been obvious in his head shot. It looked like he’d maybe combed it after his shower, but the jury was still out, and Dan bit back yet another sigh. At this rate, they were never going to find Patrick. It wasn’t like Patrick needed to be a fashion plate but he should’ve at least been able to look _coordinated_.

“Hello,” he glanced at the bio in front of him, “Noah, right?” At the guy’s nod, he continued. “We’d like to see you read a few lines with Lucy.” He made an executive decision, knowing he couldn’t sit through all three of the scenes they’d been having candidates read. Besides, he reasoned selfishly, this would speed up their afternoon considerably. “Luce – the juice scene, alright?” She nodded and retrieved the applicable pages from one of her colour coded folders, handing a set to Noah. Dan took a moment to appreciate how competent everyone on staff was, he was so fortunate in this team, and sent a smile her way.

“Really, Daniel?” his dad asked sotto voce, “You wanna start with the juice scene?”

Dan gritted his teeth and shot his father a _look_ , bringing the level of his own voice down to match. “Yeah, dad, I do. No reason to prolong this any more than we have to.” Patrick had to flirt believably with David in this scene and Dan would bet money that the dudebro in front of him wasn’t going to be able to capture the right balance of teasing and want, even if he was reading opposite the effervescently adorable Lucy. His dad raised his eyebrows but didn’t say anything more.

He looked up and plastered a smile on his face. “Whenever you’re ready, uh,” he glanced down again.

“Noah,” came the reply. He shuffled his feet nervously. “Is, is it alright if I say something before we get started?”

Dan blinked at him. Was this seriously happening right now? He took a deep breath in, then let it out slowly. “Sure.”

“I, uh, want to apologise for what I’m wearing?” Ugh, Dan hoped he wasn’t one of those people that turned every statement into a question with his tone. He valiantly restrained himself from rolling his eyes as the dudebro continued. “This isn’t the aesthetic that I wanted to bring in for Patrick and I’m sorry.” He looked earnestly at Dan, as though he was trying to convey something critical, presumably something beyond the scope of his vocabulary. Dan raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him.

“Then why did you?” he asked flatly. 

Noah glanced down at his feet, swallowed, and then met Dan’s gaze. “I, uh, I was actually on the schedule for tomorrow? I was at the game when my agent texted me about the change.” He paused and took a deep breath. “I really am sorry.”

Dan glanced to Lucy who nodded once. Huh. He’d forgotten about the various scheduling scrambles Lucy had dealt with that morning. Well, that was something at least. “Okay, well, thanks for letting us know. Whenever you’re ready.” He waved vaguely.

Noah held his gaze for a long moment, as though he was waiting for something more, then clenched his jaw and nodded. He turned to face Lucy.

“Um, is that _your_ … juice?” Lucy began.

“Ah, no, technically I think it’s _our_ juice, ah, because you just took it from the fridge and, didn’t pay for it, so.”

Dan sat up a bit straighter in his chair and shot a covert look at his dad, who tucked his chin in the barest of nods.

“Mm hmm,” continued Lucy, “um, it’s just that I don’t normally share beverages with people.”

Noah blinked in an excellent display of completely sarcastic shock. “Really? That is shocking news.”

Dan glanced at Paul, who was grinning broadly at him. They all leaned further forward in their chairs as Noah and Lucy read through the rest of the scene. Dan found himself holding his breath. 

As Noah delivered the last line, “No, you have a sloppy mouth,” he looked directly at Dan, there was something wicked sparkling in his eyes, and holy shit. Dan’s cock twitched. It may not have been a perfect reading but it was light years closer than anyone else they’d seen so far and the delivery of that last line had been ... _something_ more.

Noah was giving him an intense, unreadable look, and Dan sat back and tried to keep everything he was feeling from showing on his face. He looked Noah up and down, eyes taking in the details he’d missed in his earlier, dismissive perusal. Dan cautiously allowed himself to be impressed. Noah was a bit shorter than he’d have liked but height was the _least_ important quality on his internal wish list for David’s major love interest. The generic features were actually a bonus as they’d very much styled Patrick as an average guy, falling for another guy. As his eyes snagged once more on Noah’s outfit, he was even more astonished. Somehow that reading had allowed him to momentarily forget the travesty of those jorts.

When he met Noah’s eyes again, there was a hint of a frown there and Dan swallowed, hoping his inspection hadn’t made the man uncomfortable. Then again, if he was truly going for the role of Patrick he was going to have to get used to the idea of men checking him out. 

“Well, thank you, um, Noah.” Dan forced his face to adopt a blank smile. “We’ll be in touch.”

Noah’s brow furrowed and he opened his mouth, as if to protest, then shut it. He smiled tightly and nodded before heading out. Lucy thanked him and closed the door behind him.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Dan began, “but he’s our Patrick.” He looked at Paul, who nodded, and his dad, who was doing that contemplative twisty mouth thing he did. “I mean it. I don’t want to sit through anyone else or suffer the legions of call backs. If you want to rank the other options, fine, but he gets an exclusive call back first. I dunno, I, I have a feeling about this.”

“Alright, Daniel, if you’re sure. I trust your intuition on this. If I might make a suggestion?” 

Dan nodded at his dad. “Of course. This isn’t only up to me, I know that, and I want this to be a collaborative decision. I just, well. It clicked for me in a way that none of the others have.”

His dad smiled. “I agree and that’s why I think it’s important to see him in another scene with David during the call back, and not the initial meeting at Ray’s, if you know what I mean.”

Dan chewed on his lip. He could tell what his dad was getting at and knew he was right. They had to establish that whoever they chose for Patrick would be able to sell the chemistry with David. It was vitally important, to all of them, sure, but especially to Dan, that the relationship not have even the barest whiff of discomfort or reluctance on Patrick’s part. Well, not about wanting David, anyway. There was plenty of reluctance around making moves but it needed to be _crystal_ clear that David wasn’t the thing holding Patrick back.

He nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ve got a couple of scenes in mind. Lucy?” He called. When she looked over from where she sat, furiously scribbling notes, he continued. “We’re gonna call it a day. Could you thank everyone for coming in and let Noah’s agent know we’d like to see him again?”

“Sure thing, Dan! Did you want to see him tomorrow?”

Dan exchanged a glance with his dad and Paul. It seemed like they were all on the same page. “Yeah, if he’s available, that would be great. Thanks, Luce!”

“You got it, boss.” She grinned at him and he shook his head fondly. He’d tried to get the crew to stop calling him that, as he truly believed that the show was a collaborative effort, but his efforts had fallen on deaf ears. Everyone cheerfully ignored him and continued using the nickname. It filled Dan’s heart, as with so many things about this show.

* * *

Noah shifted nervously in front of them. He’d obviously prepared more carefully for today and was wearing a soft green button-down shirt, well-fitting khakis that emphasised his thighs in a way that was working for Dan, a brown leather belt, and brown leather shoes. It certainly wasn’t what Dan would’ve chosen for Patrick but it went a long way toward assuaging his fears from the day before.

This nervousness was interesting as well. There’d been a hint of it the day before but Dan was much more tuned into Noah today and he didn’t think he was imagining an increase in Noah’s anxiety.

“Are you alright, Noah?” he asked softly. He didn’t want to spook the poor guy, after all.

Noah clenched his jaw and nodded, not looking at him. “So I’ll be kissing you?”

“Technically, yes, but not really. This is in character, as part of the scene we’ll be reading, so Patrick will be kissing David.”

There was a long pause. Noah stared at the floor as though hoping it would open beneath him and save him from having to do this with Dan.

Suddenly all of the exhaustion and frustration that had been building since the previous day slammed into Dan and he felt his body sag under the weight of it. He’d been looking forward to this since they’d seen Noah read yesterday, had spent hours pouring over drafts to find the perfect scene to ease Noah into this concept, and he’d been so _sure_ that Noah was the one. That confidence was gone, however. Dan tried not to take Noah’s reluctance personally but it was so obvious that the guy would rather do basically anything than press his lips lightly to Dan’s. He could feel his temper flaring at this man who was supposed to be an _actor_ and had probably kissed hundreds of women in his career without thinking twice about it. They weren’t even asking for the suggestion of tongue, as so many hetero show business kisses included, but evidently the idea of his lips on Dan’s was a problem for Noah. He pushed his rising annoyance aside, tilting his head from side to side to crack his neck. Fucking straight men were so obnoxious about this sort of thing. He took a deep breath and willed himself not to go too far down the road of assumptions about the reasons behind Noah’s lack of enthusiasm.

“Look, I get it if you’re nervous, that’s why this is part of the audition. It doesn’t have to be a big kiss but it _does_ have to happen because, quite frankly, in the show it’s not just one kiss. You’ve got to be willing to kiss a guy on screen AND make it look like your character is in love with him while you do it. Your body language can’t be screaming ‘no’ the whole time. Patrick isn’t dismayed, he’s excited. I know it’s hard for a lot of straight guys with internalised homophobia.” He held up his hands to forestall any pushback. “I’m not saying that’s where you’re at, it’s just something that I’ve seen play out a lot in my career.” He turned away and set the pages for the scene that was clearly not going to happen on the table, giving Noah a moment to digest what he was saying. Turning to face him again, he sighed. Noah still wouldn’t meet his eyes. It didn’t look like he was getting through. Taking a deep breath, he backed off, trying not to let his intense disappointment show. “Also, we don’t have to do this if it makes you uncomfortable. I’d never force someone out of their comfort zone.”

At that Noah’s head jerked up and Dan was taken aback by the myriad emotions roiling through his eyes. He stalked toward Dan, who just blinked, frozen to the spot. Reaching his hand up to cup the nape of Dan’s neck, Noah pulled his head down. Just before their lips met he whispered, “I’m not afraid of you, Dan.”

He proceeded to demonstrate this fact with a searing kiss. His hands went up into Dan’s hair and his lips ghosted over Dan’s for only a second before his tongue demanded entry. Dan opened for him instinctively and felt his knees go weak as Noah utterly claimed his mouth. Noah’s hips pressed into Dan’s and Dan could feel his cock taking notice, and though he wanted to pull away before that became a _thing_ , he felt powerless to stop what was happening. Noah broke the kiss and locked his eyes onto Dan’s, tracing his thumb across Dan’s lower lip. Dan just stood there, gaping at him.

Noah smiled and there was something about the confidence in his gaze that niggled at Dan’s memory but his brain was still short-circuiting from that fucking kiss.

“Oh, and by the way? I’m not straight. I’m bisexual.”

Dan gulped. “Okay, that’s, um, well, that’s good to know.” He stepped back and hoped no one else could tell how unsteady his legs were. “I think that’s all we need for today. Paul? Dad?” Paul nodded, eyes wide, and Dan’s dad closed his jaw but left his eyebrows merged with his hairline in shock.

Lucy ushered Noah out of the room, though he stopped at the door and sent another of those complicated looks Dan’s way.

Dan sat down gingerly and swallowed. “So, I, um, I felt like there was definitely chemistry there. Did, um,” he cringed at having to ask this of Paul and his _dad_ , but soldiered on, “did it look okay to you?”

Paul chuckled. “It looked more than okay, Dan, and I’m pretty sure you knew that already.”

He gave Paul a wan smile and nodded faintly. “Yeah. So. I guess we’ve found our Patrick.” Dan shook his head. He didn’t normally pursue relationships with people he was actively working with, and he tried to remind himself not to get too excited as Noah had been acting, at least on some level, but he couldn’t deny that there was potential there. He swallowed and focused on bringing his breathing back to normal. More than just potential, even.


	5. it kills me to think of you with another man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah is sure there was something more in the kiss on set but gets an unpleasant surprise when he goes to confess his feelings to Dan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Elton John’s “Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding”

###### Noah

Noah paced back and forth, chewing vigorously on his bottom lip. There had been … _something_ … in that kiss tonight, he would swear to it. Something beyond David kissing Patrick. It had been a brief kiss and should not have evoked the feel of the kiss during his audition but … it had. Somehow, it had. He shook his head. This was absurd. Dan was a consummate professional. Noah had to be imagining the thing he wanted so desperately … right?

He replayed the moment over and over in his head, trying not to dwell on the number of takes he’d needed to nail Patrick’s response after David, no _Dan_ , had kissed him. His gut was screaming at him that it hadn’t been nothing.

Plus there had been hints of interest from Dan ever since Noah had joined the cast. Everyone had made an effort to welcome Noah but Dan had really gone above and beyond, leaving Noah a blushing, stuttering mess with all of his supportive praise in the first couple of weeks. It hadn’t helped that when Noah had first arrived on set, Dan had offered to spend some extra time with him to work on solidifying the David and Patrick dynamic. Noah had swallowed hard and stammered his thanks but hadn’t been able to take him up on it, not least because he was still reeling from the way he’d kissed Dan the last time he’d seen him. He hadn’t wanted to blur the lines any further, and the idea of spending alone time with Dan both thrilled and terrified him in equal measure, when he was so sure that his attraction was one-sided. Now, though, he couldn’t remember precisely where the lines were, nor why it had seemed like a such a bad idea to blur them.

Until tonight he’d thought he was finally starting to adjust to Dan’s constant presence. It had definitely helped that he’d had to take so many breaks from shooting. He almost couldn’t wrap his head around just how _relieved_ he was that Patrick wasn’t in every episode this season, not to mention the frequent interruptions to meet his grueling work schedule for Cardinals, but he couldn’t deny the truth of it. Having breaks from Dan’s intense energy was the only way he’d survived the proximity and it helped to have viable excuses to absent himself. It felt less like hiding. His rigorous wanking regime had also come in handy more than once.

From an acting perspective, working with Dan over the past few months had been incredible. He took such care with this show, and with the cast and crew, and he was just so warm and lovely with everyone. The joy he derived from bringing his vision to life was almost palpable sometimes and Noah had enjoyed basking in the reflected glow. He’d kinda expected that getting to know Dan would somehow negate the way he’d idolised the Dan from that long ago night, that it would knock him off the pedestal Noah had put him on, but it hadn’t happened yet. Any reduction to his burgeoning feelings was looking less and less likely as time went on. He relished the ways they were connecting more and more frequently off screen, even if he still felt the occasional pang that Dan clearly didn’t remember him. Like, at _all_.

Then again, the more time he spent with Dan, the more certain he was that he wasn’t alone in this attraction. So maybe it was alright, preferable even, that Dan _didn’t_ remember that night since he seemed to be very into who Noah was now. If he was being honest, Noah would much rather Dan fall for him in his current iteration. He was in such a better place with himself than he’d been back then.

He paced a few more laps around his trailer, psyching himself up to approach Dan, nodding and reminding himself of how that kiss had felt, of how much there had been in that brief press of lips, in the feel of Dan’s hand pulling him in. He was doing this. He was doing this tonight.

* * *

Noah bounded up the steps to Dan’s trailer and knocked. He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet in anticipation, debating whether he should move in for a kiss straight away or try to articulate his feelings with words first. He normally considered himself to be pretty good with words but they’d shared so much through kissing that it seemed the better option.

He frowned at Dan’s door when there wasn’t an answer. He’d have sworn Dan had said he’d be in his trailer after the long night they’d spent getting that scene in the car right. He wondered if it was presumptuous to expect more of Dan’s time tonight, after he’d already caused so many delays in shooting, and shook his head. He was doing this tonight while he still had the courage.

He knocked again.

This time he thought he heard a muffled reply and he bit his lip. Was Dan already asleep? He didn’t want to wake the poor guy, who always seemed to be tired when he wasn’t in the midst of a creative burst. There was a thud from inside the trailer and Dan’s voice distinctly saying, “Oh, god.” Had he knocked something over and hurt himself? Noah was going to feel so guilty if Dan got injured coming to answer the door right now but hopefully he’d be able to make it better somehow. With kissing, for a start.

There was another, louder thud and another, louder exclamation. 

Noah only considered for a moment before trying the door. Finding it unlocked, he went in calling out, “Dan? Is everything alright?”

Two steps brought the doorway to the bedroom into view and Noah recoiled as though slapped by what he saw there. Dan lay on the bed, his face straining with ecstasy, his legs wrapped around some guy with a shaved head, who was fucking diligently into him. Noah’s feet were frozen in place. He knew he should leave, just quietly sneak back out, but his brain couldn’t seem to process what he was seeing into the necessary impetus for getting the fuck out of there.

The man fucking Dan thrust in hard, the bed rattled, and some small tchotchke fell off the headboard, thunking onto the floor as Dan moaned, “Yes, oh god, YES. FUCK.” Suddenly all the noises he’d heard became clear and Noah felt like such a fool for being so locked into his own narrative that he’d never considered other possible options. Dan hadn’t been stubbing his toe in an effort to answer Noah’s knock. He’d been fucking someone else. Noah knew he had no right to be hurt by this but after everything he’d felt in that kiss tonight, after all of the buildup between them this season, he was.

Noah’s legs finally reconnected to his brain and he fled.

* * *

He woke still curled in on himself the next morning, mind already racing and body heavy as though he hadn’t slept at all. Once again, he’d missed his opportunity with Dan. Well and truly missed it, if the image blazoned on to his memory was anything to go by. Thank god they had a shooting break for a few months before the next season. He told himself sternly that he would be fine. He’d lost himself in work before and he had plenty still to do on Cardinals. It would be fine. He’d pull himself together over the break, maybe try to meet someone, and come back to set next year refreshed and ready to continue developing Patrick with nice strong boundaries in place.

He rubbed the grit from his eyes and got up to make himself coffee. 

* * *

Breakfast and a shower went a long way toward helping him face the day. He resolutely ignored the sunken feeling in the pit of his stomach that had curtailed his usually healthy appetite to a few desultory bites of toast and jam. His bag was packed and he was looking forward to saying fond farewells with the cast and crew. Part of him wished he could avoid Dan, as there was no way he’d manage not to be awkward, but he was resigned to getting it over with. Dan would probably just chalk it up to the same old awkwardness that had plagued Noah in his presence all season.

He headed toward the café set where everyone was gathering, creeping past Dan’s trailer as quietly as possible and berating himself for bothering. As he rounded the corner, he heard the door open and couldn’t help looking back. Dan was hugging the man he’d been fucking, pressing a light kiss to his lips, a big smile on his face. Noah watched forlornly as they broke apart.

“Thanks, babe,” the guy said.

“Mmm, thank _you_ ,” Dan replied, sliding his fingers under the ridiculously high, in Noah’s opinion, neck of the sweater his boyfriend was wearing. Noah’s mouth thinned into a hard line. He wished he was a better person who could be happy for Dan right now, knowing how long Dan had been single, but, the reality was, he just _wasn’t_. He reminded himself of his goals for the break as Dan murmured something else, too softly for Noah to hear.

The man with him laughed. “You’ll always be my muse, you know that,” he said, kissing Dan again. It was on the cheek this time and Noah took a perverse satisfaction in knowing that if he had the chance to kiss Dan again, for real – not just in character, he wouldn’t leave him with a paltry peck. Dan didn’t seem to mind though and Noah couldn’t watch any longer. He turned and walked the rest of the way to the set, wondering just how rude people would consider it if he left before the wrap party tonight.


	6. movin' so slow like you just don't have a clue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan frets over having freaked Noah out by crossing a boundary on set but that’s not why Noah’s upset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Destiny’s Child’s “Lose My Breath”

###### Dan

Dan wandered around the wrap party, buzzing from all the excitement in the air. Everyone was giddy with how smoothly filming had gone this season and he allowed himself a few self-pats on the back. This magical thing he’d created with the help of his dad and their incredible cast and crew was taking off and quickly becoming more than he’d ever even dreamed it could be. He made sure to say something to each person at the party, thanking them for the special thing(s) they’d brought to this experience. He was starting to get a little choked up, to be honest. Everyone around him was in such good spirits that, even though his tears were happy, they didn’t last long. Someone, generally Dustin, was always ready with a quip to lighten the mood just enough when he started to get verklempt from the feelings and general overwhelm.

It certainly helped that Trevor had stopped by last night. His best friend always seemed to know intuitively when Dan needed a shoulder to vent on and plainly the semi-frantic phone calls the previous night, as he went back and forth about how to put Patrick’s first kiss with a man on screen, had indicated that Dan needed him. This kiss was just so important to the character arcs. He wanted it to be genuine, he wanted it to be something that Noah would be comfortable with, and Trevor’s voice reminding him that he knew these characters and would make it beautiful had been exactly what he’d needed to hear. They’d relaxed into the conversation, chuckling as they retold each other the stories about their own first kisses and what they had meant. It had relaxed him enough to finalise his revisions and centre himself in preparation for shooting it, at least until he’d leaned in on set.

There had been so much tension between him and Noah in the last couple weeks of shooting and, regardless of how _certain_ Dan had been of that spark during Noah’s audition, he had been so discouraged to have every. single. one. of his advances rebuffed. Dan couldn’t figure out if Noah just didn’t like him, if he made Noah nervous, or what. He kept getting mixed signals and it was turning into an itch under his skin that he couldn’t get at to scratch. Noah avoided meeting with him outside of shooting, then challenged him to a sing-off when Annie had dragged everyone to karaoke. Noah spent a lot of time between takes clenching his jaw and refusing to meet Dan’s gaze, then sometimes Dan would catch glimpses of this heartbreaking yearning in his eyes and Dan wanted so badly to wrap him in his arms and never let go, except then Noah would see him noticing and go all over red and angry.

Dan was so confused. He _liked_ Noah. So much. The last thing he wanted to do was throw a wrench into the works of their strained relationship. Things had finally come to a head last night in that fucking car scene and Dan had been kicking himself ever since. He’d bled through. His own desire had engulfed him when he’d reached for Noah and it hadn’t been David kissing Patrick, at least, not in that first take. He felt like such an asshole. They’d had to reshoot it for the kiss and Noah had clearly been so uncomfortable he’d needed ten times the number of takes it usually took for him to nail something. Dan cringed at the memory of Noah’s blank, flat aspect after he’d kissed him. It was as though his brain couldn’t process what had happened and was stuck buffering. Then afterward, he’d fled and Dan hadn’t seen him since so he hadn’t been able to apologise.

By the time he’d gotten back to his trailer he’d been neck-deep in self-recriminations, freaking out about whether or not his last-minute script changes has just been his subconscious mind creating a chance for him to kiss Noah. Trevor had been waiting for him and the sight of him was exactly the soothing balm Dan had needed for his jangly nerves. They’d been friends for so long at this point that he hadn’t needed to say anything more. Trevor had taken one look at him and enveloped him in one of his perfect hugs and Dan had finally been able to relax in the safety of his best friend. He and Trevor often had sex when they were both single, it was more an extension of their deep intimacy than anything romantic, and it had been good and comfortable and loving – just what Dan had needed after the weeks of biting his nails to the quick over Noah. It felt so good to be able to calmly inhabit his body again.

Making another lap of the tent where the wrap party was being held, he realised that Noah wasn’t present and sighed. He really hoped he hadn’t fucked things up beyond all recognition. Noah brought such heart to Patrick and it would kill Dan if they lost their on screen rapport. He refused to consider that Noah might leave the show over this – that was too bleak a prospect to allow into his brain tonight. He reached for a glass of sparkling wine from one of the nearby tables and had it halfway to his mouth when he saw him. Noah was standing by the tiers of cupcakes, chatting with Emily, and Dan took a moment to drink in the sight of him. He looked tired but, then, they all did at this point. Noah laughed at something Emily said and Dan felt something inside himself unclench. He blew out a breath in relief. Well, he’d have a chance to set things right. Okay. Here went nothing.

He downed his wine and set the glass in the designated space for empties then made a beeline for Noah, weaving his way through the crowd. When he reached them, Noah was licking the frilly pink icing from a chocolate cupcake and Dan couldn’t stop a smile. Noah’s sweet tooth was famous on set and Dan should’ve known that this would be where he caught up to his quarry.

Emily saw him first and threw herself into his arms. “Ohmigod, Dan! This season was so great!” They shared a laugh and Dan spun her around. Emily was basically the polar opposite of her character and it delighted Dan to no end that this bubbly ball of awesome played David’s snarky, surly best friend on the show. He looked up to find Noah ducking outside and grimaced.

“Hey Em, do you mind if I … ?” He trailed off as Emily gave him a knowing wink.

“Absolutely, don’t wanna stand in the way of that.” She waggled her eyebrows at him, giving a laughing impression of a courtly bow, complete with flourishing wave, and it was abundantly clear that Dan had not been as subtle in his interest as he’d thought. He shook his head at her and she winked at him.

“Hey, Noah, wait,” he called. He had to hurry to catch up with Noah and was grateful for the extra length in his legs as Noah sped up. He wasn’t actually much taller than Noah but their builds were different enough that he had a distinct stride advantage.

“Noah, hey, stop a minute, would you?” Noah stopped abruptly and Dan only barely avoided plowing into him. He tried to meet Noah’s gaze but the other man was resolutely avoiding his. He took a deep breath. “I need to apologise Noah. I’m sorry about last night.”

Noah blinked at him. “Las-last night?”

“Yeah. That kiss. It was too much and I shouldn’t have done it. I’m so sorry.”

Noah clenched his jaw and a muscle popped in his cheek. “You’re apologising for the _kiss_ ,” he said through gritted teeth. “Was your boyfriend mad or something?”

Dan pulled back. “My boyfriend? No, Noah, I’m not dating anyone right now. I just–”

Noah cut him off, rolling his eyes hard enough his whole head shook. “The guy you’re fucking then, whatever, I don’t care what you call it.”

Dan took another step back. “Noah, what are you talking about?” He realised that Noah must have seen something and assumed that he and Trevor were dating. “Oh, do you mean Trevor? Trev’s my friend, Noah. That’s all he is, a friend.”

Noah scoffed. “Must be one hell of a _friend_ ,” he sneered.

Dan felt a flare of his own temper rising and did what he could to squash it back down. He took a few breaths before responding. “Yeah, actually, he’s my best friend. Noah, what’s wrong? Did Trevor do something or say something to you?” He found it hard to believe that Trev had crossed paths with the object of Dan’s affections without inundating him with texts but he couldn’t think of any other reason for Noah to be so upset about this.

“No, he didn’t say or do anything to me, Dan. He seemed _prrrrretty_ occupied in doing things to _you_.” Noah clenched his jaw again and Dan was shocked to see a tear slide down his cheek.

All at once Dan understood and he felt his eyes widen and his ears pull back. Oh. Oh, _shit_. He wasn’t sure how to handle this. His inner showrunner swept to the forefront and he reached out a hand to Noah’s shoulder and squeezed, saying, “I’m guessing you saw us last night.” Noah didn’t respond and Dan sighed. “I don’t owe you an explanation for that, Noah, but I’m willing to give you one just the same, if you’re open to hearing it.” He waited until Noah nodded and looked up at him grudgingly.

He searched Noah’s gaze but Noah was doing that buffering face again, giving nothing away. Dan bit his lip and took another few deep breaths.

“Trevor is, as I’ve said, my best friend. He knew that I had been having a rough time these past few weeks.” Noah’s brow furrowed slightly at this, as though it was the first he was learning of Dan’s struggle, which, considering Emily’s earlier response, went some way toward making Dan feel like less of a transparent heel. “Trev came by to lend me his support. Part of that support included sex which, considering that we’re both single, consenting adults, isn’t anyone’s business but ours.” He paused a moment to let that sink in and noticed a flush creeping up Noah’s neck. Well, if nothing else, at least he didn’t seem to be angry anymore. 

“Look, Noah, I wanted to apologise to you for crossing a boundary last night with that kiss. I’m sorry that happened, Noah, I really am, and I will promise to be more professional on set.” He debated for a moment before adding, “I’m also going to say this next thing one time and hope I never have to repeat it since, quite frankly, I’m more than a little disappointed I have to say it at all. I’m not okay with you disparaging or disrespecting anyone on this set, whether you know who they are or how they’re connected or not.”

Noah blinked and shook his head, “I didn’t mean–”

It was Dan’s turn to cut him off. “Maybe not, but lashing out at me, or anyone else on this team, just because you’re upset about something isn’t okay. This is a sex positive set, Noah. You don’t get to use the sex that someone is having against them. If you have an issue with someone, we can work on it. If the issue is with me, and you aren’t comfortable talking to me, or my Dad, we’ll find you someone else you can talk to. Alright?”

Some of the tension went out of Noah’s shoulders and he hung his head. “Yeah, I-I’m sorry, Dan. That was out of line.”

Dan exhaled and shook his shoulders, trying to physically remove the showrunner mantle. “Thank you, Noah.” He squeezed Noah’s shoulder again. “So,” he began tentatively, “ _was_ there anything you wanted to talk to me about? Or – do,” he paused, swallowing and trying not to let his worry show through, “do you need me to get someone else?”

Noah gulped and took a deep breath, then raised his head and gave Dan a shaky smile. “No, thanks. I’m good.” He pulled away and turned to walk back toward the party.

Dan stared after him for a moment before closing his eyes and putting his hand over his face. For a moment there he’d thought that maybe, just maybe, Noah had been upset because he reciprocated at least some of Dan’s desire. Dan didn’t find jealousy particularly appealing but he’d taken it as a marginally positive sign. Now, though, he acknowledged that he must have been grasping at any possible straws.

Noah had made such a big thing in his audition about his bisexuality that Dan didn’t think the sight of two men fucking would’ve been off-putting for him but maybe he was wrong. He’d certainly never seen Noah flirting with any of the men on set and he had it on good authority that there were quite a few who would’ve been thrilled to be an object of Noah’s interest. His instincts were so all over the place when it came to Noah that he couldn’t figure out whether he’d said enough, too much, or not enough. He didn’t know if he should’ve explained more about his friendship with Trev, if he’d killed any potential lust with his sex positive lecture, or if none of it mattered because at the root of it, Noah just didn’t like him in the same way.

Well. There was nothing more he could do about it tonight. He spent a moment centring himself and getting back into the party mindset. There were still plenty of people to chat with tonight before they broke set and everyone went their separate ways for a few months. He dredged up a smile from somewhere and started back toward the tent.

He’d only made it three steps before Noah came charging back out at him. He pulled up short as Noah stopped in front of him, breathing heavily, eyes darting back and forth across his face as though he was reading some urgent missive written on Dan’s skin. Just as the stretch of silence was starting to feel awkward, he blurted, “Dan, ar-are you in love with him?”

Dan gaped at him. What in the world? He blinked. “Who, _Trevor_?” Noah nodded and Dan waited but he didn’t say anything more. Shaking his head, Dan replied, “um, no, Noah. No, I’m not. I love Trev, he’s one of my absolute favourite people in the world, but, no. I’m not _in love_ with him, nor is he with me.” He’d barely managed to get the final words out before Noah’s mouth came crashing into his.

It was a desperate kiss. Their teeth clacked harshly as they came together and Dan felt his lip tear against the sharp surface of one of Noah’s teeth. Dan poured every ounce of desire he’d been repressing into the kiss and Noah whimpered, then unleashed a torrent of his own. His tongue swept into Dan’s mouth and wrapped around his, insistently pulling it into Noah’s mouth. Dan’s arms went around Noah’s hips, sliding down to grip the ass he’d wanted to touch for _MONTHS_ and groaning at the feel of the firm flesh under his fingers. Noah’s hands climbed into his hair and destroyed his careful pompadour. One hand wove its fingers into the hair at his crown and tugged while the other slid back down, cupping his jaw under his ear and holding him firmly in place. Dan could feel his cock pressing uncomfortably against the constriction of his tighter-than-he’d-realised patterned pants and Noah’s corresponding hardness digging into his thigh.

Noah tore his mouth away and stepped back, lungs heaving in gulps of air, eyes locked on Dan’s. Dan’s own ragged breathing started to calm as he swallowed a few times. He could taste a slight coppery tang of blood and ran his tongue around his lip to determine the size of the cut, but it felt pretty negligible. Once more silence stretched out between them as they caught their breath. Dan willed himself to be patient and let Noah dictate the direction of any next steps.

Noah clenched his jaw and bit out, “I’m not sorry.”

Dan felt his brow furrowing. “What?”

“You-you wanted to apologise for the way you kissed me yesterday. Well,” Noah’s chin jutted out stubbornly, “I’m not sorry.”

Dan was startled into laughing. “Oh thank god,” he said, wiping a hand across his face before locking his gaze on to Noah’s once more. “I’m not either.” He paused, shook his head. “I mean, I am.” Noah’s mouth opened, then shut, and he frowned, clearly at a loss for words. Dan gave himself a whole body shake. “Sorry, I’m not articulating this well. My brain hasn’t quite caught up. I am sorry I crossed a boundary on set but, Noah, I mean, god, _Noah_ , I’m not in the _least_ bit sorry that I kissed you. Not if it led to you kissing me like that.”

Noah gave him a soft, tentative smile and Dan’s heart swelled as he returned it. “So,” Noah said.

“So,” Dan replied.

They stood there smiling at each other for another moment. Noah closed the distance between them, reaching up a hand to gently touch the cut on Dan’s lip. “Could we, um, should we, uh, that is,” Noah paused and swallowed. “Will you let me clean that up? And-and maybe we could talk?”

Dan felt a small twinge as the cut split a bit further due to the widening of his grin. “Yeah, Noah. Yeah. That sounds great.” 

Noah cast a glance back at the party. “Should you, do you need to–” 

He stopped as Dan cupped his jaw and pulled his face back. “There’s no one else I need to see tonight,” he said, lowering his lips once more to Noah’s. 

This kiss was softer, slower, and so much more sure. Dan’s tongue slid smoothly along Noah’s and he felt Noah’s arms come around him. He hmmm’d contentedly into Noah’s mouth before pulling back.

“I think it’s time we took this inside,” he said, reaching down to twine his fingers through Noah’s and turning toward his trailer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s Dan on the Wendy Williams show, [ie my inspiration for the “tighter-than-he’d-realised patterned pants”](https://youtu.be/sCzosfG925Q)
> 
> (side note – there’s also an adorbs bit about his dad watching him kiss on camera that I hadn’t seen before 🥰)


	7. i’m stuck on your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan wants a favour from Noah and they’re both horny af from all the time apart. Alas, things don’t go according to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from, of course, “(Simply) The Best”
> 
> Made partially to order for [leupagus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leupagus). **Scroll to the endnotes for CW**.
> 
> The idea of why Dan wants _this_ song came from a very fruitful conversation about angst w/ [ahurston](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahurston).

###### Noah

💙 **DAN** 💙 **: Hey, are you around to grab dinner? I’ve got a favour to ask.**

Noah stared down at his phone unsure how to react. Of _course_ he was around? He had been eagerly awaiting Dan’s return to Toronto for _weeks_ and had cleared his schedule. Dan’s flight from LA had come in that morning and, even though he’d declined Noah’s offer for an airport pickup, Noah had assumed they’d see each other tonight. He tamped down his rising anxiety, as questions bubbled up about what he must’ve missed in their last call or what relationship doom this might forebode. He was working with his therapist on focusing on the _actual_ information he had and logically refuting any catastrophising his brain came up with. Dan wouldn’t be mentioning a favour if he had only been waiting to see Noah face-to-face to dump him. He took a deep breath and reread Dan’s text before replying.

 ** _sure did you have a place in mind?_** He debated for a second and then added: **_you could come here… we could get_** 🍕

💙 **DAN** 💙 **: Perfect. Time?**

**_7? 8?_**

💙 **DAN** 💙 **: 7 is great. That way I can be home early. I’m so fucking tired, babe.**

Noah’s brow furrowed. He typed and deleted and typed and deleted and typed and deleted. Finally, he decided on: **_or you could stay?_**

The three little dots appeared and disappeared more times than Noah could count ( _it was 9_ , supplied the obnoxious voice inside his brain, unhelpfully, and he snarled at it that the number wasn’t _important_ ).

💙 **DAN** 💙 **: Mmmm sounds good, babe. I’d love to xx**

Noah gulped and tried to keep his breathing under control. Holy shit. Dan was coming over in … he frowned at the time displayed on his phone and then at the one on his oven to confirm. It was 1:29pm so he had five and a half hours to ~~freak out~~ prepare. He looked around at the apartment he’d cleaned obsessively the day before and bit his lip. Maybe he should swing by the store and get some snacks and beverages and such. Nodding to himself at having settled on a plan, he grabbed his keys and headed out.

He went through the store in a daze, too keyed up on the idea of Dan, and too worried about someone noticing the erection under his jeans, to really tell what he was putting in his cart. He and Dan had been, well, ‘together’ wasn’t the word but was the closest he could think of, for _MONTHS_ but it had had very little impact on their day-to-day lives. They texted often, and tried to do a weekly video chat, but between Dan’s work on the show and Noah’s schedule for Cardinals, they’d only seen each other twice since Season 3 had wrapped and they hadn’t had a night alone together since the party. He held every text and chat close to his heart as reminders that this thing between them was real but now, tonight, Dan was coming over to _stay_.

For the most part his heart was happy with where things were. His body, however, was … well, frustrated was really too mild a word to describe it. They’d sexted a few times, and jerked off with each other during their video chats, but he was tired of the feel of his familiar calluses. He wanted to touch Dan and he desperately wanted Dan’s hands on him. Come to think of it, he should probably jerk off as soon as he got home from the store to ensure he didn’t repeat their last night together.

After Noah had fumbled his way through cleaning up the split lip he’d accidentally given Dan, Dan had promptly undone all of his work by kissing Noah thoroughly on the couch. When Noah had tried to get up to rewet the washcloth, Dan had laughed and kissed him again until he’d decided to take the hint and leave it. They’d talked for hours, laughing and kissing and cuddling close on Dan’s couch, leaning into each other until they were basically horizontal and making out in earnest, Dan’s body covering Noah’s as they kissed and thrust against each other. When Dan had unzipped Noah’s jeans, sliding his hand into Noah’s underwear to grip his cock, the weeks of craving had caught up to him all at once and he’d come, his breath choking in his throat, after only three firm pulls. 

Dan had laughed into Noah’s neck, kissed him, and then tenderly unwrapped Noah’s jeans, sliding off his underwear to clean him up with slow swirls of his tongue that were _just_ shy of too much on Noah’s softening and overstimulated cock. He’d gotten up wash his hands in the bathroom and grab Noah a pair of loose sweats and when, after donning them, Noah had reached for Dan’s cock and found it soft, Dan had smiled sheepishly and kissed Noah’s frown, explaining that he’d been similarly eager and excited so he’d shucked his underwear and wiped himself down while he’d been in the bathroom, before slipping his pants back on. They’d said goodnight with a few more long, lingering kisses, as Noah had an early flight the next morning and Dan hadn’t packed yet.

All of which meant that Noah’s body was thrumming with need.

After unpacking the groceries, he jerked off in the shower, and then again in a second shower an hour later, and that went a long way toward calming the buzzing coursing through his body. He ordered two pizzas and then sat on his bed, towel wrapped around his hips.

His brain, of course, took the opportunity to pipe up with yet another heated round of debate on the question of whether or not he should remind Dan about the night they’d met. He wasn’t sure why he was so hesitant ( _you’re afraid he won’t want you knowing that you used to be a fuckboy_ , the rude little voice in his head whispered and Noah resolutely ignored it, so it continued, _or that he’ll only want you as a fuckboy_ ) and he shook his head at himself ( _or, worst of all, that he won’t remember that night at all_ , the asshole voice had a sneery quality this time that Noah really didn’t need), then put his face in his hands and sighed. He hated that fucking voice in his head, especially when it was right. What if he told Dan and Dan just looked at him in blank incomprehension? What if the best fuck of Noah’s life so far hadn’t made much of an impression on the man he was more than a little in love with?

Sighing, he stood and opened his closet, trying to decide what he should wear. He’d seen enough movies to know that withholding this sort of information too long never ended well and that the telling only got harder if the person put it off. He had to believe that Dan would remember and he reminded himself not to get his hopes up about what sort of meaning that night might have held for Dan. He dressed carefully, as it was Dan who was coming over after all, and, while he wasn’t the fashionista he portrayed, the man could _dress_. He went for a deliciously soft blue tshirt in the colour Dan most liked to use for him on the show and dark jeans.

As he was contemplating his reflection, there was a knock at the door. “Ok,” he told himself. “I can do this.”

Dan was in his arms, lips pressed against Noah’s, as soon as the door opened. He made a happy little noise and pulled back to smile at Noah. “Hey,” he said.

Noah’s grin split his face. “Hey.”

He pulled Dan inside and turned to close the door, only to find himself pinioned against it as Dan kissed him again. His body lit up at every point of contact and, as Dan closed in further, there were a lot of contact points. He could feel his cock hardening, despite his precautionary two showers, and groaned as Dan thrust his hips lightly against Noah, making his own erection obvious. Dan’s hands slid behind him and down under Noah’s waistband to cup his ass and pull him closer still as their mouths became reacquainted. Noah moaned as Dan squeezed, nudging his hips, and his erection, into Noah’s. His own hands slid up under Dan’s arms, crossing behind Dan’s back to curl around his shoulder blades, and bringing them closer still.

Dan released his mouth and they stood there, eyes locked as they got their breaths back. Dan’s face softened into a smile and he leaned in to brush his lips lightly against Noah’s, nuzzling his nose. He pulled back and thrust gently into Noah again, smiling wickedly. “Hey Noah,” he said.

Noah groaned and thrust back into Dan. “Dan,” he gasped.

Dan’s smiled turned positively feral. “I’ve missed you, Noah,” he purred, leaning in to feather kisses down Noah’s throat and nibble at his collarbone, his hips pressing in every time his lips made contact. “Do you want me to tell you how much?” He sucked gently at the spot he’d bitten and Noah heard himself whimper. Dan’s hips thrust into his and held. “Or would you rather I show you?”

Noah swallowed audibly. The doorbell rang.

Noah’s eyes widened and Dan chuckled, nipping once more at the same spot before stepping back. A very flustered Noah opened the door as Dan wrapped around him from behind, resting his head on Noah’s shoulder and licking along the shell of his ear. “I guess I can wait till after dinner,” he whispered, breath ghosting over the wetness from his tongue. Noah stammered his thanks to the pizza guy, who just grinned and shook his head, handing over the pizzas and waving over his shoulder as he headed back to his car.

Dan detached himself with a final flick of his tongue and they walked into the kitchen. Noah set the pizza boxes on the counter and grabbed plates and paper towels, as Dan perused the contents of the fridge. He pulled out a beer, handing it to Noah, and then reached in and extracted a green smoothie thing that Noah must’ve picked up earlier.

“Organic Green Body Juice,” Dan said, reading the label. “Is this meant to be consumed or should I apply it topically like body milk?” He raised an eyebrow at Noah, who could only manage a smile and a shrug in reply. He laughed, opening the bottle and taking a long gulp. “Not bad, actually,” Dan said.

They settled in on the couch, Dan shooting him smouldering looks and nudging at Noah’s crotch with his toes. Noah’s cock screamed for release, and his breath was coming in pants. He concentrated on making sure his food went down the correct pipe as Dan smirked at him, having no trouble polishing off his own set of slices as he tortured Noah.

Hoping to distract him, Noah asked, “Dan, you mentioned a favour?”

Dan’s whole face crinkled up in a smile. “Ok,” he began, “so we’ve been working on the scripts for Season 4 and I had this idea about how to show how hard Patrick is falling for David and then, later, for David to make a similar demonstration.” He bit his lip, a little nervous. “So I’m hoping to leverage your musical talents, if you’re willing?”

Noah felt warmth suffuse his body as he smiled. He shifted closer to where Dan sat. “Yes, please do. Use any and all of my talents,” he replied, ticking an eyebrow up in a look that was blatantly lewd.

Dan laughed, some of the nervous tension seeping out of him, returning Noah’s look with one of his own, and Noah caught his breath. He felt so fortunate that this gorgeous, talented man was sitting on his couch, toying with his cock, giving Noah a chance to incorporate his music, and … becoming so very _vital_.

“Right, ok, well, I was thinking that Patrick could suggest an open mic night to drum up business for the store and, of course, David is horrified at the idea but then it happens and Patrick sings to him and David almost cries while everyone gets to watch these two men expressing their joy in each other.”

Noah’s eyes widened and he shook his head in wonder. “Oh, _Daniel_ , that’s, that’s _gorgeous_.” Dan ducked his head, one side of his mouth quirking up in a smile as Noah realised what he’d just said. “Oh, shit, I don’t know where that came from, sorry, jeez, I know your Dad’s the only one who calls you that.”

Dan’s smile grew as he met Noah’s eyes. “No, Noah, it’s fine and he’s not, it’s just rare from other people. I-I liked hearing you say it.” They sat there and grinned at each other for another moment before Dan shifted a bit closer to Noah. “So, do you think you could arrange a song for Patrick?”

Noah nodded, not even needing to think about it. “Totally. Did you have a song in mind or did you want me to pick something?”

Dan bit his lip again. “I, uh,” he blew out a short breath, “I do have one in mind.” He swallowed and Noah closed the gap between them to put an arm around Dan and kiss his shoulder. Dan rested his forehead on Noah’s. “This, this moment is so important and the song choice is a big part of it. If you hate it we can discuss other options, but I hope you don’t hate it because it’s one of my all-time favourites and,” he paused and swallowed again, closing his eyes, “and I’ve always wanted someone to sing this for me.” The last part was so soft it was nearly a whisper.

Noah reached a hand to cup Dan’s jaw and kissed him lightly. 

Dan took a deep breath and opened his eyes, his smile a bit wobbly. “No pressure, eh?”

Noah smiled and kissed him again. “Dan, babe, I’m sure it’ll be amazing. I’m so happy you’re trusting me with this and between us, I promise, we’ll make sure it’s right.”

Dan nodded. “So. It’s ‘The Best’ originally recorded by Bonnie Tyler but truly brought to life by the incomparable Tina Turner.” He chewed his lip again.

Noah kissed him. “I love that song.”

Dan blinked. “Really?”

Noah laughed, nodding. “Of course. When do you need it? It’ll probably take a week or two for me to work out an arrangement.”

As soon as Noah stopped talking, Dan pounced. He straddled Noah’s lap and locked their mouths together. He pulled back only long enough to say, “we’ve got a couple of months before it needs to be finalised but get it to me as soon as you can,” before fusing their mouths once more. Noah’s cock perked back up and they both groaned as Dan ground their hips together.

An idea shot into Noah’s mind and he wrapped his hands securely around Dan’s ass and stood, staggering only slightly. 

Dan gasped in delight. “ _What_ are you doing?” he asked, laughing.

Noah kissed him before answering. “Well, we never made it to the bed last time so I thought I’d make sure we got there this time.” He carefully walked them into the bedroom, then tossed Dan down on the bed, where he bounced a little before Noah did some pouncing of his own. Dan’s hands slid under his shirt, helping him take it off as they rolled and kissed. 

Dan’s stomach made an odd gurgling sound as Noah reached for the fly of his skinny jeans. Noah raised an eyebrow. “Should you have waited 30 minutes after eating before taking a dive?” he asked playfully.

Dan laughed and rolled his eyes. “I’m fine,” he said, reaching for Noah’s jeans. He had them open, hands sliding in to ease them down over Noah’s hips faster than Noah would’ve dreamed possible. Noah reached for Dan’s fly again to return the favour and Dan’s stomach burbled again, slightly louder this time. Noah opened his mouth and Dan promptly kissed him. Noah took the hint and shut up as Dan’s leg came between his to help shove his jeans all the way off. 

When the noise happened again the third time Noah moved in, he pulled back to make another joke about it and noticed that Dan was starting to look pale and a little green. “Babe?” he asked tentatively. In an instant Dan was off the bed, running into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him. Noah leapt after him and opened the door just in him to see the return of all the pizza. 

He wet a washcloth with cold water, bringing it to Dan and kneeling so he could gently wipe his face. Dan’s chest was heaving and he looked utterly miserable. Noah put a hand behind Dan’s neck and brought his head down so that it was resting on Noah’s shoulder, turning to kiss his forehead.

“You ok?”

“I don’t know where that came from,” Dan said glumly, wrapping his arms around Noah’s torso and turning his face into Noah’s chest. They sat there for a moment as Dan’s breathing slowed. 

Just as it was looking like the fit had passed, Dan jerked his head away and said, “oh, god,” before bowing over the toilet again. Noah rinsed the washcloth and knelt down next to Dan again, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

After three more rounds of this, with less and less coming up each time until poor Dan was simply fighting the ongoing spasms in his abdomen, Noah kissed Dan’s forehead and stood up. He carefully helped Dan up as well. “I’m gonna go get you some water and make you some tea, alright, babe?” 

Dan nodded weakly and Noah left him leaning against the bathroom counter. He put the kettle on and readied a mug with a bag of chamomile tea, which is what his mum had always made him when he felt ill. He poured Dan a glass of water, rummaged through the snacks he’d bought earlier and decided on plain, lightly salted pita chips as the least like to be offensive to an upset stomach, then grabbed a mixing bowl. Pouring the hot water into the mug, he collected everything, somehow managing to balance it all for a single trip and headed back to the bedroom. He set the tea on the bedside table, dropped the mixing bowl to the bed, removed the pita chips and set those by the tea, and then headed into the bathroom with the water.

Dan was where he’d left him, which Noah took as a positive sign. His abdomen was still spasming occasionally but he seemed to be past the worst. He handed Dan the water and rubbed his back as he swirled it around his mouth and spit. He supported Dan’s elbow as he walked to the bed and stopped him before he simply collapsed onto it. 

“Let’s get these off,” he said, reaching slowly for the fly of Dan’s jeans. Dan made a whiny sound, looking longingly at the bed. This time Noah’s fingers connected successfully, without further stomach upset, and he slid Dan’s jeans off him saying, “I promise you’ll feel better if you don’t sleep in skinny jeans.” Dan leaned on him as he lifted first one leg, then the other, so that Noah could get them all the way off. He stood again and helped Dan slide his sweater up and off, leaving him shivering wretchedly in his undershirt and boxer briefs. He eased Dan down on to the bed, leaning his back against the headboard, then sat next to him and pulled the covers up over them both. He handed Dan the tea.

“Try to get a few sips of this down, babe.” Dan wrapped his fingers tightly around the mug. He took a cautious sip, then another.

“I’ve got some pita chips here when you’re ready, though I’d recommend you stick to fluids tonight.” He moved the mixing bowl so that it was in easy reach on Dan’s other side as Dan had another sip of tea. “I’m gonna leave this here just in case.”

Dan bobbed his head weakly and drank another sip of tea. Handing the mug back to Noah, he said, “I think that’s all I can do right now.”

Noah set it on the nightstand and turned back, kissing Dan’s forehead. “That’s fine, babe. It’s best to take it slow. It’s right here if you want more.”

Dan sighed and shifted, slowly and carefully, so that he was horizontal. Noah could see that his abdomen was still clenching but the spasms seemed to be fewer and further between. Dan curled himself up, back to Noah, and said in a small voice, “I’m so sorry, Noah.”

Noah wrapped himself around Dan and kissed his shoulder. “No, it’s my fault. It was probably that Body Juice and I should’ve paid closer attention at the store. Maybe it really was a topical thing.”

Dan smiled wanly. “Please don’t make me laugh right now,” he said softly.

Noah kissed his shoulder again, then turned to shut off the lamp before cuddling up around Dan, his arm sliding under Dan’s to rest against his chest. “Sorry, I won’t.”

“I had _PLANS_ for tonight,” Dan muttered resentfully.

Noah nuzzled his nose into the back of Dan’s neck, intertwining his fingers with Dan’s where they rested on his chest. “I know, me too but don’t worry about it, babe. I’m just glad you’re here with me. We’ve got plenty of time, Daniel,” he whispered.

His conscience niggled at him but he fed it the same line. There would be time to tell Dan and that time wasn’t while he was down for the count with a stomach bug. It was fine. There was _plenty_ of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Dan gets physically ill in this chapter. The description isn’t graphic or detailed, but a few folks mentioned it was a squick so I wanted to post a heads up.
> 
> Quick tip: chamomile tea is actually very good at calming abdominal spasms of this sort, once the body has expelled all the bad via vomiting.
> 
> For those of you, like me, that can always use another fix: [here’s Patrick singing to David](https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6jir6g)


	8. have you got colour in your cheeks?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions on and off set come to a breaking point. It gets better. At least, until Dan gets the carpet swept out from under him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Arctic Monkey’s “Do I Wanna Know?”
> 
> Many thanks to the lovely leupagus for holding my hand through the initial challenges in writing this (and for generously giving me some of the ideas contained herein, including using a blackout).
> 
> Thanks also to some of the wonderful residents of the Rosebudd’s rpf channel.

###### Dan

Dan stood as still as he could while his makeup was touched up. He couldn’t wait to see how everyone reacted to this and the anticipation in the air was palpable. It was taking every ounce of his self control to stand here calmly instead of bouncing up and down on his toes as everyone got ready.

Noah caught his eye for a fleeting moment but flushed and looked quickly away. Dan grinned. He knew Noah was nervous but he was also supremely confident that Noah would nail this and further captivate the hearts of every single person on this set. He had definitely captivated Dan’s.

Things had been going so well for Season 4. The scripts were really gelling, the cast and crew had a new level of comfort with each other and the material that was elevating all of their work, and all of it was turning Dan’s vision into this incredible reality that he couldn’t wait to share with the world.

Dan went to stand next to Catherine. She smiled and gave his shoulder a squeeze. “I can’t wait to see this treat you’ve kept so hush hush, Daniel,” she told him fondly. Everyone knew Patrick was going to sing and that David was going to swoon at this open mic night, but only three people besides he and Noah knew the details about what was about to happen because they wanted to catch people’s true initial reactions on camera.

He couldn’t stop himself. He bounced with excitement. “Thanks, Catherine, that means a lot. Also, it’s aMAzing.” They shared a laugh and then assumed their marks as someone called places. Despite his desperate desire to watch everyone as they took this moment in, he reminded himself sternly that David’s objective in this scene was to be focused completely on Patrick serenading him. He tamped down his fomo and centred himself as camera rolling was called.

Noah gave Patrick’s speech and started to play, locking his eyes on Dan’s. Dan as David could feel himself getting choked up and he wasn’t sure how much of it was method acting and how much was due to the fact that his very personal dream of being serenaded with this song was coming true, albeit for a figment of his imagination that wore his skin. He was still counting it.

* * *

After shooting finished, he changed and washed his face, then headed over to discuss notes with the writers and production staff. Each person he bumped into along the way was overcome and he greedily absorbed all of the positive energy into his soul. He was practically high from it.

Turning a corner, he saw Noah chatting with Emily. She was gushing at him and pulling at her hair in glee. As he got closer, his brow furrowed. Noah was looking anywhere but at him and the few times he faked it, Dan could tell that Noah was looking at his chin or his ear to avoid his eyes. Emily swept him up into a hug and he pushed the worry about Noah aside.

“Oh my god, Dan, that was AMAZING! Seriously, HOW have you been keeping that to yourSELVES??” Emily asked. He grinned and hugged her back. 

“Thanks! You know it was all Noah, though, right?”

“Pshaw,” Emily scoffed. “Of course, who else? It couldn’t possibly have been any of the incredibly talented writers, especially not the one that particularly loves that song. Obviously it was ALL this guy.” She winked at him, jerking a thumb in Noah’s direction, and he couldn’t stop a laugh.

He kissed her cheek and stepped back. “Obviously,” he repeated, trying to catch Noah’s eye and failing yet again. “Great job tonight,” he said softly in Noah’s direction.

“Yeah, thanks, you too.” Noah’s voice seemed oddly flat for what Dan had assumed would be a moment of just as much elation as Dan was feeling. He cocked his head in a question but Noah just clenched his jaw, shook his head, and waved at them. “I’m gonna turn in. G’night guys.”

Dan stared at his retreating profile then shared a look of confusion with Emily. “What was that?” he asked.

“Weird. Weird is what that was. Are you going after him?” 

Dan’s relationship with Noah was the worst kept secret on set but generally people at least pretended to their faces that they didn’t know since they hadn’t officially told anyone. Dan had wanted to, and had stood firm on telling his dad, but he was trying to give Noah some space to work through whatever was behind his reluctance. 

“Fuck,” Dan sighed. “I probably should but I really can’t. I’ll check in on him first thing after the meeting though.”

Emily hugged him again. “I’m sure he’s fine.” She chewed on her bottom lip before adding, “Dan, that song really was so perfect.”

He smiled at her. “I know, right? I’m so proud. I’ll see you tomorrow, Em.”

“G’night Dan.”

* * *

The meeting ran longer than he’d expected and by the time he was trudging toward Noah’s trailer, he was exhausted. He hoped he’d be able to fall into Noah’s arms and that they could work through whatever was going on tomorrow, since it was their day off. He was also hoping that they’d be able to spend most of tomorrow in bed.

When shooting for Season 4 had started, Dan had been thrilled that he’d actually been able to spend consistent time in Noah’s presence, and less so that one thing after another had conspired to keep the physical aspects of their relationship confined to frequent, quick, Oxford-style fucking, their pants around their ankles and underwear still on as their cocks thrust hungrily between each other’s thighs as they hid somewhere close enough to the set to be back quickly if someone needed them, but far enough for some privacy. There had, of course, also been plenty of intense making out, hand jobs, and blisteringly hot sexting. The making out and the sex in various creative forms had been fantastic but he really wished there had been opportunity for more of it or, really, for more time to expand the opportunities they had. He couldn’t wait to explore every inch of Noah and record every detail at least five times, for accuracy and science.

It was a bigger season, with a bigger cast and crew, meaning more of Dan’s time had been swallowed up in overseeing the myriad details that went into making the show. They were constantly being interrupted by people needing to check in with Dan about things. The only night they’d managed more had been when the power had blown, leaving them awash in inky darkness as they’d made out in Noah’s trailer.

Dan’s phone had immediately blown up with texts. Noah had groaned and pulled away, the white of his eyes catching the reflected glow of the screen as he rolled them. Dan had considered the nightmare of coordination taking care of this was likely to entail and the frustration apparent in his lover’s tone and call in a favour.

He’d ignored the texts pouring in and fired one off to his dad. **_Hey, I’m kinda in the middle of something with Noah. Would you mind finding out what needs to be done? I just need an hour._**

**Dad: Of course, Daniel. I know you’ve been wanting to spend more time with your young man, why don’t you take the night off? I’ll call you if I need to. You kids have fun.**

**_Thanks, dad xx_ **

He’d set his ‘Do Not Disturb’ to everyone but his dad and put his phone on the table, turning with a smile to Noah.

“Don’t worry about it, babe,” Noah had told him, resignedly, trying to force a smile. “Just try to make sure you get _some_ sleep tonight, alright?”

Dan’s smile had grown as he raised an eyebrow. He’d gotten on his knees on the couch and half crawled the three steps to where Noah sat, fumbling a bit in the dark before he found Noah’s arm.

“What are you doing, Dan?” Noah had asked and Dan had hated the caution in his tone. “Shouldn’t you be out making sure everything gets fixed and answering the hundreds of messages blowing up your phone right now?

Dan had swung one of his legs over to straddle Noah’s lap. It hadn’t been as graceful as it might’ve been if he could have seen Noah, but it had gotten the job done. He’d leaned in to kiss Noah and felt Noah’s hands slide up his thighs, pausing for a moment to squeeze when his thumbs brushed against Dan’s cock, and then circling around to cup his ass. “Mmmmm, Noah,” he’d replied, arching his back into the hands which had the advantage of simultaneously pressing their chests together, “you’re probably right.” He’d kissed Noah again, sliding his tongue in as he slid a hand between them and unbuttoned Noah’s jeans. Slipping under the waistband he’d “hmmm”ed into Noah’s mouth as he wrapped his fingers around Noah’s hardening cock and pressed his ass back into Noah’s hands. He’d nibbled along Noah’s jaw, squeezing his cock as he gently bit into his earlobe and tugged.

“Dan,” Noah had groaned.

“Hmmmmm?’ He’d purred into Noah’s ear, rubbing the corner of his jaw against Noah’s and grinning at the delicious moan that elicited. He’d recently discovered that Noah had a thing for stubble burn and took every opportunity to indulge it. Most of the time he scraped up places that weren’t featured on screen, because he knew it wasn’t appropriate to mark Noah publicly as his when Noah wasn’t ready to tell anyone, but that night, emboldened by the darkness, he had let go some of his restraint. One swipe wouldn’t make that much of a difference and the makeup department had already figured out how to cover up the burn from their most intense make out sessions. “Did you want me to stop and go play showrunner instead?” he’d asked, releasing Noah’s cock and pretending to pull his hand away as he pulled his head back to smirk down at Noah.

One of Noah’s hands had come off his ass in an instant to grip the hair at Dan’s crown and press their jaws back together, dragging them roughly against each other and groaning at the rasp. “Don’t you fucking dare,” Noah had growled.

Dan had cackled, he couldn’t help himself, and sucked Noah’s tongue into his mouth. Noah’s grip on his hair had tightened as Dan ground his hips down onto Noah’s cock. When he’d released Noah’s mouth, they were both panting. Noah had paused for a moment and then surged up, turning them so that Dan was under him, laid out on the couch, his legs still around Noah’s thighs. He’d borne down on Dan’s hips, seeming to use all of his weight to press his cock against Dan’s ass and Dan groaned. Noah had captured the sound with his mouth and drank it down greedily. Dan had bucked against him and they stayed locked in that rhythm for a bit, grinding against each other as they tangled their tongues and teeth and lips together.

Noah had pulled back, chest heaving. “Seriously, though, Dan, how much time do you have?”

Dan had reached up to cup Noah’s jaw and drew him down for a soft kiss, just a light brush of lips. “I took the night off, babe.”

Noah’s breath had choked in his throat. “You did _WHAT_?”

Dan had kissed him gently again. “I asked my dad to cover the blackout.”

Noah’s body had turned into a whirling dervish of frantic movement. He’d kissed Dan hard, nipping at his lips, he tore at Dan’s clothes, then his own, and in the blink of an eye, they were naked on the couch and Noah had wrapped a hand around both of their cocks and was jerking them, fast and furious, while he _devoured_ Dan’s mouth. 

Dan had gasped out Noah’s name and come, spots twinkling across his eyes. He’d shuddered in reaction and cried out at every fast pump of Noah’s hand as it sped along their shafts until Noah had slammed his mouth over the junction of Dan’s neck and shoulder and bitten him savagely as he came. 

Dan had lain for a moment, too stunned with the force of his orgasm and the residual ecstasy of that bite to move or think or attempt anything more challenging than trying to put air back in his lungs. Noah’s mouth had gentled its hold as Noah came down from his own peak and he’d kissed the bite, smoothing his lips over the spot again and again. 

“Um,” Dan had begun, “wow, Noah.” Noah had huffed a laugh against Dan’s skin, making Dan shiver. “I, uh, I kinda figured that we wouldn’t need to rush but holy shit.”

“Oh,” Noah had replied, digging the corner of his jaw into the place he’d bitten Dan then nipping tenderly at it, “I fully intend to take my time with you tonight, Daniel.” Dan had felt his already-boneless body liquify at the words.

“Wh-what did you have in m-mind?” he’d asked shakily.

Noah had hmmm’d against his throat and Dan had been able to feel the vibration in every cell of his body. If he’d been able to move, he’d have thrashed. Instead, all he’d managed was a feeble whimper.

Noah had pushed himself up and begun working his way down Dan’s chest, making lazy spirals with his tongue and lapping up the ocean of come between them. “Well,” he’d said between languorous licks, “first I’m gonna clean up this mess you’ve made all over yourself.” Dan had quivered at the words. Noah had paused and bit gently at one of Dan’s nipples and Dan had heard a low keening noise come out of his own throat. Noah’s tongue had traced a path to his other nipple and that one received a similar treatment. Dan had still been making that needy sound and couldn’t seem to stop himself. Noah’s tongue had resumed it’s journey southward. “Then,” Noah had continued, “I’m going to take full advantage of your pliant state.”

He’d progressed slowly down Dan’s body, pausing here and there to suck and nibble, then dipped his tongue into Dan’s navel and swirled it around. Dan’s back had twitched as though it were trying to arch his body into Noah’s mouth and Noah had chuckled, flicking his tongue into Dan’s navel one more time before moving on. 

When he’d gotten to Dan’s pubic hair, he’d tongued his way toward Dan’s cock, then back to out toward the crease where his leg joined his torso, licking a stripe along the sensitive skin there all the way out to Dan’s hip, then heading back once more toward the center. He’d blown gently across Dan’s cock and Dan’s hips had stuttered in a parody of a thrust but Noah hadn’t touched the sensitive flesh there. Dan hadn’t even been sure if he wanted him to, he was already awash in sensation and the feel of Noah’s tongue on his cock right now was likely to be too much, and yet he knew that if Noah’s mouth kept avoiding it, he would combust from the anticipation.

Noah had paid careful attention to cleaning the crease on the other side, continuing his pattern of working his way in, teasing Dan’s cock without touching it, and then moving back out again. Finally, all that remained was Dan’s cock and Noah had gently pulled it into his mouth and sucked delicately, swirling his tongue slowly around it.

Dan’s body had lit up like a live wire. It had felt like too much. Oh god, it had been too much. He’d known couldn’t take it. He’d hoped it never stopped. His muscles had woken up a bit and he’d bucked hard into Noah’s mouth, moaning. Noah had gotten his hands under Dan’s hips as they rose and rolled them up, pressing Dan’s thighs into his chest, and spreading his cheeks, his mouth coming off of Dan’s cock with a soft _pop_.

Dan had felt like he was stuck in some alternate time dimension as he held his breath, knowing that Noah’s face was close enough to his asshole that he could feel the warmth from his breathing but he didn’t seem to be moving. It had seemed to take eons for Noah’s exhales to get closer, warmer, moister, as Dan had gasped for breath, transfixed. 

Noah had darted his tongue out, touching just the tip to Dan’s hole and Dan had released a breathy, keening whine. Noah’s tongue had lapped at him and then had speared inside him. Dan had felt his cock hardening as his body tried to thrash but Noah had held him fast, tongue firm as he fucked it into Dan. 

Dan had given up the last few remaining shreds of his control and babbled. “Oh god, Noah, please, yes, please, Noah, god, yes, touch me there, lick me, oh god, _NOAH_.”

Noah had ignored the torrent of words, focus intent on fucking Dan with his tongue, spearing deeper and deeper inside, as far as he could reach now that Dan had relaxed and opened completely to him. Noah’s tongue had felt practically prehensile as it had entered him, then curled up to nudge at his prostate. Dan had writhed and thrashed and flailed around it. 

Dan’s cock had been fully erect by that point and Noah had eased his tongue out of Dan’s ass, pressing it against his taint and taking Dan’s balls into his mouth to suck. He’d pulled back, pausing, and Dan had held his breath, desperate with need. “Can I fuck you, Daniel?” Noah had asked quietly. 

Dan’s breath had caught and he’d nodded vigorously.

“Dan?” Noah had repeated and Dan had realised Noah couldn’t see him nodding, though he could probably feel the accompanying shake in Dan’s body. Dan had tried to pull himself together to answer coherently.

“Yes,” he’d finally managed to say, “oh god, yes, Noah, _PLEASE_ , Noah, please fuck me.”

Noah had gently lowered Dan’s hips to the couch and Dan had heard the creak as he got up, then the footsteps receding and a muffled “fuck!” from the direction of the bedroom. There had been the snick of a drawer opening and the wobble of what had to be the lamp on Noah’s bedside table, then the footsteps had come back. The other end of the couch had dipped as Noah rejoined him. There had been a sort of odd squish-click noise which Dan had realised must have been Noah’s warming lube pump as slick, warm fingers had then fumbled along his thigh and, once orientated, dipped slickly into his hole. 

He’d heard the crinkle of a condom wrapper. “No, Noah, wait.”

Noah had frozen. “Everything okay, babe?”

Dan had smiled, even though he knew Noah hadn’t been able to see it. He was always so careful.

“Yeah, Noah. It’s more than okay. It’s so good. I just,” Dan had bitten his lip, “we did all the testing and I haven’t been with anyone but you and I want you bare inside me, Noah. I want to feel every inch of you the way I felt every inch of your fucking tongue.”

“ _Fuck_ , _DANiel_ ,” Noah’s voice had barely been above a whisper but Dan had heard the longing in his tone loud and clear. “Are you _sure_?”

“Yeah, Noah, yeah I am. Please.”

Noah’s body had come down over his, mouth landing over Dan’s eyebrow before he’d course corrected and kissed everything he was feeling into Dan. Dan had moaned under him and wrapped his legs around Noah, squeezing them tighter together. Noah had wedged an arm in between his body and Dan’s leg and positioned his cock against Dan’s ass. 

They’d both groaned as he slid the first part of the way in. Dan’s back had arched, relishing the feeling of fullness as Noah had thrust in further. When he’d been all the way in, he’d paused and they’d both taken a moment to get their breath back. Slowly, ever so slowly, Noah had pulled out and then glided back in again.

After a few smooth thrusts, Noah had eased out and snapped his hips back against Dan’s. He’d begun to pick up his pace and Dan had lost himself to the feel of Noah inside him. He’d clenched around Noah as he’d hurtled toward orgasm. 

“Dan,” Noah had gasped, “I’m gonna come.”

“Unf, Noah, so am I, oh god, babe, _don’t stop_.”

Noah’s lips had groped their way back on to Dan’s and he’d kissed him hungrily as Dan’s body clenched and he felt the heat of Noah’s come fill him. Noah had thrust raggedly a few more times and knowing that Noah had been trying to keep it together to ensure that he came too had hurled Dan over the edge. Noah had collapsed on top of him and they’d held each other, the frantic pace of their kissing gradually slowing as they came back down.

After a moment Dan had cleared his throat. “Fuck, Noah. That was … _fuuuuuck_.”

Noah had nodded against Dan’s cheek. “Mmmmm. For me too.” He’d pressed a kiss to Dan’s temple and they’d nuzzled their faces together, relishing the afterglow.

They’d fumbled their way into the shower, where Dan had promptly dropped the bottle of body wash. They’d laughed and run their hands along each other’s bodies, doing their best to rinse thoroughly and leaving it at that. They’d dried themselves off and stumbled their way into Noah’s bed, where they’d curled up facing each other and drifted off to sleep exchanging lazy kisses.

They’d slept intertwined for the first time since Dan had gotten food poisoning and it had been marvellous to wake up in Noah’s arms. Dan had had to sneak out before Noah woke to get to his first meeting, though he’d made him coffee and left him a quick note, and he was excited that tomorrow he’d finally get the chance to stay in bed with Noah. Not to mention that it had been years since Dan had been able to come twice in such quick succession and he was looking forward to returning the favour, with interest, tomorrow.

He knocked. Dan tried to wait patiently, instead of pounding on the door in his enthusiasm, knowing he’d stopped by later than Noah would’ve expected and that the poor guy hadn’t been sleeping well. He hoped Noah hadn’t fallen asleep waiting for him and let out a breath of relief when the door finally swung open.

His smile faltered. Noah looked haggard. His eyes were red and wet, there were new circles under them, and his cheeks and nose had a decidedly rosy cast. His head was sunken into his chest and his shoulders were hunched around his ears. He crossed his arms over his chest. Everything about him screamed hurt and angry and resentful.

“Hey,” Dan said, taking a step toward Noah and raising his arms to embrace him.

Noah backed up out of his reach and Dan stopped. “Did you need something?” he asked.

Dan blinked at him and cocked his head. “I-I just wanted to see you,” he began. He searched Noah’s gaze but couldn’t seem to get past the glare. “Noah, babe, what’s _wrong_?”

Noah shook his head, irritation tensing every muscle in his face and neck. “I-I don’t think I can do this, Dan,” he bit out.

Dan gulped. “What do you mean? You can’t do what?”

Noah gestured between them and Dan’s heart stuttered in his chest. “This. Whatever this is that we’re doing. I-I can’t.”

“What? What happened?” 

Noah rolled his eyes and kept his gaze locked on the ground. “I just realised that this isn’t what I want, ok?”

Dan considered him for a long moment. Part of him knew that he should take what Noah was saying at face value and respect this boundary Noah was trying to put up, and _most_ of him wailed that this was bullshit. Something was off. Noah was lying, he had to be. Taking a chance, Dan pushed his way into Noah’s space. Noah backed up. Dan kept moving toward him, turning to shut the door, and then stalking after him as Noah fled. When he finally had him cornered, he wrapped Noah in his arms and squeezed, kissing his temple.

A sob burst from Noah’s chest and Dan held him tighter. “Hey,” he said soothingly, “hey, babe, _Noah_ , talk to me. Whatever it is, just tell me. I can’t help if you don’t tell me.”

Noah pulled back and, this time, Dan let him go. He wiped his eyes and took a deep breath. “I want more, Dan. I want more than this. I want to be higher on your priority list.”

Dan reeled. He’d known that Noah was a bit frustrated each time they’d been interrupted but when he’d tried to check in about it, Noah had brushed off his concerns and Dan had assumed that meant they’d been fine. He wracked his brain for some indication that he’d missed the signs of this and was more than a bit worried that he couldn’t come up with anything.

“Noah, you are a priority.” Noah snorted and Dan refused to rise to the bait. “You _are_. I’ve been trying to stick to the ‘my door’s always open’ mindset but, Noah, I can put better boundaries around my working hours. Things were a bit more manageable last season and I’ve been trying to maintain my availability but it isn’t feasible and I-I should have changed that sooner. I’m sorry.”

Noah sighed. “I appreciate that Dan, I really do, but,” he paused and Dan held his breath, “it’s more than that. I-I don’t know how to say this but,” he blew out a harsh breath, “every day, as my job, I have to fall in love with you. Every. Day.” He met Dan’s eyes and Dan was shocked at the level of hurt he could see there.

“Noah, I know things can get blurry sometimes, but I never want you to feel like it’s your _job_ to be in love with me. Patrick is in love with David, but,” he swallowed, “I don’t want you to feel like there’s any pressure for you to be in love with me in the same way.” He reached a hand toward Noah, who shook his head and turned away.

“No, that’s not–” he growled out. “Hell, that’s _most_ of the fucking problem!” He swung back around to face Dan and this time his countenance was suffused with anger. “You’ve taken such care to write this beautiful relationship between these two people that is like an ideal, solid life goals type stuff. Whereas I’m lucky if I get more than half an hour of your time on any given day. Every day I’m forced to face the facts of the glaring differences in the ways that Patrick is falling for the love of his life.” He shook his head agitatedly. “I don’t feel pressured to fall in love with you, Dan. I’m sick of how obvious it is that that _isn’t HAPPENING_!”

Dan felt the force of Noah’s shout blow through his chest, leaving nothing but a hollow ache behind. Noah was breathing heavily and running a hand through his hair. Dan took a deep breath, and then another, and then one more for good measure. Well. Alright. Noah didn’t want to have to pretend to have feelings for him anymore. Okay. That was okay. He could do this. He could pull back and put up boundaries to ensure his own feelings didn’t bleed through anymore. He was sure he could. He was also sure that he was going to spend the entire day tomorrow figuring how the fuck he was going to manage it but, right now with Noah’s anger having dissipated leaving only a stricken look in its place as he watched Dan, he knew that Noah needed him to be a showrunner and not some fool barely able to stand, staggering under the blow to his heart.

He took another deep breath. “Okay. I’m sorry, Noah, I didn’t realise you felt that way and I shouldn’t have put you into that position.”

“Dan–” Noah looked devastated and, while Dan appreciated the implied sympathy, he needed to remove himself from this moment as quickly as possible.

Dan held up a hand. “No, you’re absolutely right. I’m sorry. I-I’ll go.” He walked blindly out of Noah’s trailer, stumbling a little on the steps but managing to catch himself in time, and then headed off into the night.

* * *

Noah had texted him the next morning.

**NOAH: hey. sorry about what I said last night. can we talk?**

When Dan hadn’t responded, a second text had followed an hour later.

**NOAH: I don’t like how we left this pls Dan. I need you to understand**

**_Don’t worry about it_** , Dan had written back, before turning off his notifications for the rest of the day. He’d deleted the next few texts without reading them, hurt and more than a little annoyed that Noah wouldn’t give him the space of even a single fucking day to deal with this. He appreciated, on some level at least, that Noah felt guilty but he could fuck right off with that. Even if he hadn’t done anything wrong by admitting his feelings, he had to know that Dan would be hurt and, quite frankly, it wasn’t on Dan to make him feel better. So he’d simply taken the space by setting and keeping his own boundaries, pushing his hurt down to get through each day.

Things between them were strained for the rest of the season. If he’d thought it had been awkward before they’d hooked up, that was nothing compared to this. Dan became acutely aware of how awful it felt to be portraying someone falling in love while his off-screen relationship was light years away from where he wanted it to be. He made every effort to pretend he wasn’t dazedly meandering through a fog of numbness. He was a professional, or he tried to be. For the most part, he thought he managed to carry it off. He basically didn’t sleep anymore and makeup had gotten creative with turning him into fresh-faced, ever-happier David as he did his best to ignore his grief and lose himself in the work. Noah didn’t seem to be faring much better, and that just made Dan sadder, but he resolutely ignored the looks Noah kept sending him, not to mention the regular text message apologies and requests to talk. He confined all conversations with Noah to the show, forwarding as many of them to his dad to deal with as possible, and tried not to resent the fact that he couldn’t in good conscience block Noah’s number. He faked a smile in response to the pitying sympathy from the rest of the cast and crew and talked to Trev every night to maintain what was left of his sanity.

It was a relief when shooting wrapped and he could focus on editing footage, production meetings, and writing. He hadn’t been able to do much for the editing of ‘Open Mic’ but his dad had been unflinching in his support and simply stepped in smoothly to oversee the work on that particular episode. Trevor had flown in and stayed with him that whole week, knitting him a new sweater during the days while Dan worked and providing the world’s best shoulder to cry on.

The worst moments had been shooting the ‘Behind the Episode’ scenes, pretending to smile and laugh and joke with Noah about the show while he still felt so raw inside. He still wasn’t sure how he’d survived the promo for ‘Open Mic’ and Noah telling the story of sending him the arrangement and being so anxious about not getting an immediate response. Dan had been overwhelmed with the gorgeous simplicity of Noah’s arrangement and the only change he’d requested was that it be on guitar instead of piano, as there was no way they were going to get a piano to fit in the store. They’d chatted and laughed long into the night, Noah giving him a hard time about not being able to handle the power of his piano and Dan reminding him with fond exasperation that he could handle all of Noah, thank you very much. He’d been so happy in that moment and Noah bringing it up seemed especially cruel, even if he _had_ been asked explicitly to discuss it by the show’s marketing team and even if Dan had known about it ahead of the filming. He hated feeling so maudlin about everything.

Noah had tried to corner him after filming but his dad had been right there, stern, disapproving eyebrows at the ready, and he’d managed to escape. He and Trev had left immediately afterward, driving down to Niagara Falls for the weekend. Trev had somehow know that listening to the deafening roar of the falls would help Dan process the roaring in his heart. He’d stood there, getting soaked to the skin, Trev holding his hand, until he’d finally been able to feel the cold seeping past the numbness into his skin and then he’d let Trev take him back to their hotel and wrap him in soft, warm knits and heavy blankets.

Time passed. Things got better. He and Trev spent two weeks in Japan for their annual trip and he was almost himself again. Most days he was fine and then it would hit him that he’d have to work with Noah again soon and he’d spiral. Those moments were receding though.

* * *

By the time the cast started arriving back on set, Dan was reinvigorated and ready. He greeted most people effusively and nodded with a smile to Noah. Noah looked tired and there were shadows in his eyes when he looked at Dan, but Dan resolutely reminded himself that Noah was an adult who could take care of himself like any of the other actors on set.

The first time they’d bumped into each other without anyone else around, Noah had once again tried to stop him to talk, his desperate, haunted look piercing through the wall around Dan’s heart. Dan had gritted his teeth, patched the hole, and rebuffed him as politely as he could. Noah had texted him that night to say that he missed him and needed to talk to him. Dan had stared at his phone for what felt like hours and then closed the message and moved on. He knew he couldn’t avoid a deeper conversation with Noah forever but he wasn’t even sure what he would be able to say. 

It was starting to feel, some days, like Noah was dogging his steps, appearing everywhere Dan needed to be. He walked around countless corners only to immediately turn around and redirect his course to avoid the other man. 

Two weeks into shooting for Season 5, he walked around one such corner to find Annie and Dustin laughing at something on her phone, with Noah grinning and blushing sheepishly. Before he could retrace his steps, Annie looked up and her eyes lit.

“Oh my god, Dan, you _have_ to see this!” she exclaimed, squealing in delight. 

Noah’s face went blank as it got redder and he shook his head. “No, Annie, I don’t think–” he began.

She waved him off, dancing her way merrily toward Dan as Dustin smiled and clapped a hand on Noah’s bicep. “No worries, friend,” he told Noah confidently, “it’s HI-larious. I bet Dan can figure out a way to slap some things around,” he nudged Noah and waggled his eyebrows, “and get it into the script like he’s done for my puns.” He smiled smugly at Noah’s widening eyes.

Dan watched this unfold and, when Annie reached toward the play button on her screen, he grabbed her wrist lightly and shook his head. “I don’t think this is a good idea. Noah doesn’t seem to want me to see it.”

Annie laughed. “He’s just embarrassed, Dan. He’ll be fine, seriously.” She tapped her screen.

Dan watched, brow furrowed in confusion, as Noah slapped someone, who then slapped someone else, who then turned and slapped Noah. As the hand connected with his face, the on-screen Noah made this “whoa-unf” sound and Dan froze, feeling woozy as all the blood drained from his face. Oh. Oh god. OH GOD. He _knew_ that noise, that very particular combination of vowels and consonants and tone. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t heard it in nearly ten years. He remembered it on a deep, visceral level.

He slowly raised his face to meet Noah’s gaze. Noah was biting his lip, looking anxiously at Dan, awareness as clear as fucking day on his face. He knew. Dan narrowed his eyes. Noah had grown into his body, he’d filled out some, his muscles were more defined, and, of course, the hair was short and brown now – though Dan couldn’t believe he hadn’t figured it out when they’d filmed all the promo pieces in the fall and Noah had bleached his hair for that play. Then again, Dan had been doing everything he could to just make it through sitting so close to Noah and laughing about shared moments on set as though nothing had happened between them. 

He stumbled back a step.

“Dan–”

“That was _you_?” Dan’s voice was barely above a whisper but he could tell that Noah heard him.

Dustin and Annie looked between them in confusion, horror dawning.

“Dan, I’m so sorry,” Annie said quietly. “I thought it would be funny and you could laugh about it and break some of the tension...” she trailed off and she and Dustin left quietly, no doubt to give them privacy and not realising that being alone with Noah wasn’t something Dan could do right now.

Noah sighed. “Yeah, it was but, Dan–”

Dan brought his hand up in a slicing motion, cutting him off. “How long have you known?” he asked shakily.

Noah swallowed. “Ah, since my agent sent me clips of the show. Please, Dan, let me explain.”

Dan’s ears roared with the force of the hurricane howling in his mind. Noah. Fucking _Noah_ was that hookup all those years ago. That charismatic stranger who Dan hadn’t been able to resist. Of course he was. And he had known. The whole time.

Dan had always wondered, had always regretted not leaving his number and not being able to stay until that guy had woken up to see if he’d maybe changed his mind about exchanging names. They’d curled up to sleep and it had felt like so much more than a random hookup. He’d lingered as long as he could without being creepy or making himself late for his first meeting of the day. He’d ordered breakfast and agonised over selecting the most correct option from the flowers available, not wanting to simply leave without some token of what they’d shared. He’d been so taken with what the hotel concierge had told him about the meaning behind the various flowers that, even knowing that the guy had probably been reading from a script, he’d left a hefty tip and memorialised his choice for himself.

He shook his head. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He walked swiftly to his trailer, locking the door behind him and sliding to the floor against it, elbows resting on his bent knees as he cradled his face in his hands. His chest caved in on itself as it hit him that he’d had two separate chances with Noah and hadn’t been worth knowing or keeping either time.

He was going to be fine. This fit would pass, the room was going to stop spinning, and he was going to get his feet back under him so he could go out there and do his job. It wasn’t like he hadn’t already coped with all of this, he just had to wrap his mind around the fact that Noah was both men and he would be fine. That’s all this was. Just a new piece of data to assimilate. It was going to be alright. He’d go back out there, any minute now, just as soon as he could breathe, and things would be fine. They’d all move on from this. Someday, no doubt, they would even look back and laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, cuz why not, [here’s the video](https://olivebranchesandredwine.tumblr.com/post/186526623028).


	9. sing for your dinner sing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Resolution. Feels. Banging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Dave Matthew’s Band’s “Shake Me Like a Monkey”

###### Noah

Noah watched, heart in his throat, as Dan hurried away. His feet felt rooted to the spot, his brain transfixed in horror. _FUCK_. He felt his brain trying to reboot, then blanking out again at the crushing despair he’d seen mingled with the realisation in Dan’s expression. He somehow made it back to his trailer and the first shot of whisky was in his belly before he was fully conscious of holding the bottle. He poured another but sipped this one. He couldn’t afford to get drunk – it was too urgent that he figure out how to fix this. He refused to listen to the voice in his head suggesting it couldn’t be fixed.

For all that he felt obliterated in that moment, it was the first bright spot there'd been in his relationship with Dan in _MONTHS_. Noah had been going out of his mind, berating himself for the things he’d said that had pushed Dan away – not because they weren’t true but because they weren’t anything close to the whole truth. As time had passed and Dan had grown increasingly distant, ignoring every message Noah sent and avoiding him at every opportunity, Noah had tried to stay hopeful that he’d have a chance to explain and apologise. He knew that Dan felt very strongly about boundaries and he knew that, instead of respecting them, he was constantly crashing into them like a battering ram but he didn’t know what else to do. 

When he’d arrived on set to shoot Season 5 and Dan had smiled at him, a lot of that hope had died. It struck Noah that Dan’s attitude could have been covering up the depth of emotion Noah had been sure was there _OR_ that it might truly boil down to the best way to deal with a crush that wasn’t reciprocated. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from sending one last text and had told himself firmly that he was done. No more. He would leave Dan in peace.

His hands clenched in a small show of triumph, sloshing the whisky out of his glass. He’d been right! There was no other way to interpret that look on Dan’s face. Dan cared. He cared and he _remembered_. He set the glass down on the table and got up to pace. He had a lot of ground to make up here and he needed a plan. Texting and calling were obviously out. He thought about making some big declaration on set, where Dan wouldn’t be able to run from him, but discarded that idea almost immediately. Despite the appeal of proclaiming his feelings publicly when he’d been so anxious before, he knew Dan wasn’t big on performative romantic gestures and guarded his privacy too carefully to appreciate something like that past the initial (hopefully pleased) shock.

All at once, he knew. He knew _exactly_ what he needed to do. He rummaged through his closet and let out a huge sigh of relief when his fingers closed on the familiar shape. He wrapped it in a tshirt and headed toward the production offices.

Having acquired a pad of sticky notes from the office, Noah hastily scrawled a note, affixed the four stickies to his makeshift package, liking the way they added a level of reveal, and set off.

###### Dan

When the knock came, Dan was still propped up against the back of his trailer door, alternately wallowing and reprimanding himself for wallowing. He tensed, afraid it was Dustin, or Annie, or, worse, Noah come to check on him. He waited but the person didn’t announce themself. His brow furrowed. That was odd. Anyone from the show would’ve kept knocking and/or called out. Slowly, he hauled himself upright and took a few deep, steadying breaths. He was calm. He was a great showrunner and could handle whatever needed his attention. Taking another breath, he opened the door and frowned. There was no one there.

As he turned to shut it, his eye fell on what looked like one of Noah’s shirts crumpled on his porch. Had Noah thrown it at the door? Why? It wasn’t even the shirt he’d been wearing. He looked cautiously around but Noah wasn’t anywhere in his sight line. Chewing on his lip, he contemplated the shirt, then sighed with annoyance and reached to pick it up, determined to ask his dad to give Noah an earful. His hand closed around something solid under the shirt and he froze. Logically, he told himself, Noah wouldn’t have left a bomb on his doorstep, despite the one that had detonated in his heart. He took the parcel inside and shut the door.

Setting it on the table, he stared at it for a long time, uncertain what he should do. When he could no longer stand the suspense, he unwrapped it. Inside was a slender black shadow box frame with the glass covered in sticky notes. Taking a deep breath, he lifted the box to read them.

> Dan–  
>  I’m sorry. I  
>  wanted to tell  
>  you & I was too  
>  afraid. All these  
>  awful scenarios  
>  ran through my head  
>  —  
>  & then you were gone  
>  & that was my fault  
>  too & I didn’t know  
>  what to do.  
>  I’m sorry.  
>  I’m so so sorry.  
>  —  
>  I hope this helps  
>  to show how  
>  much you mean  
>  to me.  
>  How much you’ve  
>  always meant.  
>  —  
>  I love you, Daniel  
>  ❤️  
> 

Dan sat there, his whole body quivering, as he read and reread that last sticky over and over again.

> I love you, Daniel  
>  ❤️  
> 

He couldn’t bring himself to pull the stickies off to see what was inside the shadow box. He needed reinforcements. Digging out his phone, he called Trev.

“Hey, babe.” The warmth in his best friend’s tone enveloped Dan in a small hug of calm. “How’s things?” 

“Hey,” he said, chewing anxiously on his lip. “Do you have a minute?”

“Of course, I’m having lunch in my kitchen, no one else around. I’m here for whatever you need.” Dan could hear the immediate shift to concern in Trev’s tone and swallowed.

“D-do you remember that hookup from years ago? The spanking?”

“The ‘whoa-unf’ guy?” asked Trev.

Dan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Yeah, him. So, um, I, uh, I just discovered that, um, that, uh, _fuck_ ,” Dan ran a hand through his hair and Trev waited patiently on the other end for him to continue, “that he’s Noah. It was Noah, Trev. All those years ago. It was fucking _NOAH_ , Trev.” Dan’s voice broke on Noah’s name.

“Are you ok, Daniel? Where are you?” Trev’s voice was instantly on the alert and ready for action. “Do you need me to send a car to get you? I can have you here in under 4 hours.”

“No, I don’t know, Trev, maybe?”

“I’m gonna pull up flights now.”

“No, wait, Trev. Wait, I need to tell you … fuck, Trev – there’s more. He-he _gave_ me something.”

Trevor was silent on his end for a long moment before replying. “I’m here, Dan. Whatever you need, I’m here.”

Dan let out a breath of relief. “I know, Trev, thanks.”

“But,” Trev began, speaking very slowly, more than a little menace in his tone, “if he’s hurt you again, Daniel, I swear to god, I’m getting you out of there and I don’t care how much work you have. If I have to show up and drag you away myself, I will. He doesn’t get to hurt you and you don’t have to take it just because you work together.”

Dan smiled and began to relax a little. Knowing his best friend would take care of him, even when he refused to do it himself, was one of the best things in his life. It was a major part of the way they showed their love for each other, as they were both workaholics with a tendency to swallow down anything as long as it didn’t interfere with the work. “Thank you, Trev. I love you.”

Trevor exhaled over the phone. “I love you, too. So, don’t kill me with suspense, Dan. What did he give you?”

Dan bit his lip again. “I, um, I don’t know. It’s something in a shadow box and it’s covered in sticky notes.”

“Sticky notes?”

“Yeah, he, uh, he wrote me a note and stuck it to the glass.”

“A note.” Trevor’s voice was flat, unimpressed.

“Yeah. It’s,” Dan sighed, “it’s a lot, Trev. He said he loved me.”

“He told you he loved you on a _sticky note_.” Dan heard the skepticism behind Trevor’s carefully neutral tone and knew what it must have cost Trev to hold back.

“Yeah, Trev, he did. He-he apologised and he told me he loved me.”

Trevor was silent for awhile and Dan tried to take deep breaths, keeping his anxiety at bay as his best friend processed this. Finally there was a heavy sigh.

“Alright. So he’s sorry and he loves you. What do you want to do? Do you want to know what’s in the shadow box? Or do you want me to tell you it’s ok not to look?”

“I-I wanna know, Trev. I _need_ to know. I just,” Dan swallowed, “I just need you with me as I look.”

“Ok,” Trevor replied, “it’ll take a couple hours but I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

“No, no, Trev, I-I don’t think you need to come. I think I just need you to be on the phone with me.”

Another hefty pause. “Well, alright. I’m here.”

Cradling the phone between his ear and his shoulder, Dan reached a shaky hand out to remove the last sticky note. He set that one aside, knowing that he’d want to keep it regardless of what he found underneath. It was evidence that, at some point, the person he was in love with loved him as well.

He took off the first note, then the third, finally the second and stared, dumbfounded, at what he saw revealed there.

“Dan?” Trev’s voice had a slight edge of concern and Dan realised he was practically hyperventilating. He took a deep breath.

“Yeah, Trev, I’m here. It’s, fuck, it’s the fucking _flower_ , Trev.”

“What flower? What are you talking about?”

“The fucking purple sweet pea, Trevor. The ‘thanks for a good time’ flower, the ‘I admire you and wish we could meet again’ flower. The fucking flower I left him at the fucking hotel.”

“ _HOOOOLY SHHIIIIIT_ , Dan. You mean like your–”

“ _YES_ , Trevor. Fucking _HELL_. He kept it. He fucking kept it all these years. It’s fucking _FRAMED_ , Trev, and he’s had it here with him, like, on set. Fuck. Trevor, _FUCK_ , why the _FUCK_ did he break up with me? He told me he didn’t want to have to pretend to have feelings for me, and-and then he has this fucking thing and it’s _FRAMED_? What the _FUCK_ does this even _MEAN_?” His breathing had sped up again and he was practically gasping at this point.

“Dan, babe, breathe with me. In,” a beat, two, three, four, “and out,” four more counts, “aaaand in,” Dan managed a wobbly smile at Trev’s exaggerated inhale, even if Trev couldn’t see it, “aaaand out.”

They breathed together a few more times and Dan felt the calm spreading through his body. His heart was still racing but he was no longer headed toward an anxiety attack.

After a bit of companionable silence, broken only by their breathing in concert, Trevor spoke again. “I don’t know what this means, Dan. It paints his earlier apologies and frequent texts in a different, much more hopeful light. That said, we both know _I’m_ not the person you need to ask about this.” He paused. “I’m here if you need me after – I’m always here, Daniel – but, for all that I’m still furious with that little shit, I have a good feeling about this and I’m pretty sure you do, too.”

Dan closed his eyes and put his face in his hands. He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Yeah. Yeah, Trev, I do.”

“Well, then, my love, off you go,” the smile in Trev’s voice was as clear as if he’d been sitting in the room with Dan, “and take your phone and fucking text me in an hour so I know you’re ok. Set an alarm, Daniel.” Dan grinned at the sudden sternness.

“Yes, sir, Trevor,” Dan’s tone was bratty and he knew it but he couldn’t help it when Trevor went all strict domly dom on him. “Setting it now.” Having said this, he added an alarm with the label ‘text the worrywort’ and saved it. It was more lighthearted than he truly felt but Trevor was right. Dan’s mood had been improving by the second, once he could breathe again, as he considered the implications of the shadow box.

He got up and washed his face, looking critically at his reflection. He wanted to rush over and demand an explanation from Noah but he also, if this truly meant what he wanted it to mean, wanted to look better when he did it. He pulled the eye mask one of the makeup team had given him after he and Noah broke up out of the fridge and tied it on. He felt ridiculous but at least he was finally getting some use out of the damn thing. He dug through his closet and pulled out his favourite pair of patterned pants, then grabbed the soft, thick navy sweater Trev had made him to have as a cuddle stand in, the one with four-inch cuffs that went nearly to his knuckles so he could curl up in them. He hoped that things weren’t headed in a direction where he’d need that, he just knew he looked fantastic in it.

He shucked the eye mask, picked up the shadow box, rewrapping it carefully in Noah’s shirt, and headed out.

###### Noah

Noah paced. It had been an hour. He reminded himself that he couldn’t have any expectations here. He’d done what he could and the ball was in Dan’s court. If he chose to leave it instead of lobbing it back to Noah, that was his prerogative and Noah would respect it. He would. Somehow, he would. He swallowed and forced his brain to stop spiralling down that path. In retaliation, it asked him what he would do if something happened to that damn shadow box and he lost that piece of his history with Dan. Noah clenched his jaw and told his brain to fuck right off with that. He paced some more.

When a knock finally landed against his door, he froze. He’d pictured himself leaping to the door and throwing it open, pausing only a second before he took Dan into his arms and kissed the life out of him. Now that the knock had happened, though, his body had flooded with adrenaline and fixed him to the spot.

“Noah?” Dan’s voice was soft and tentative and the jolt Noah needed.

In two strides, he reached the door and yanked it open. Dan stood on the porch, biting his lip and fidgeting with his hands. Oh no. Noah saw that the shadow box was back, wrapped once more in Noah’s shirt and it knocked the breath out of him. Dan raised his gaze to Noah’s and held it out.

“I,” Dan paused and took a deep breath. “Noah, I need you to tell me what this means. I don’t understand.”

Noah took it from him carefully and watched himself unwrap it. He took a deep breath of his own, gulped, and started talking, keeping his eyes on the shadow box. “So, um, a few years ago, uh, it was nine, actually, um, almost to the day, which will be tomorrow, not that that’s important right now, I’m just, uh, saying.” He wasn’t cringing at knowing the exact date. He wasn’t. He tried to remember to breathe. “Um, _ANY_ way, I, uh, I met this guy, this incredible guy,” his eyes flicked up to Dan’s for a second and then immediately back down. “We hooked up. I told him I didn’t want to exchange names.” Noah swallowed before continuing. “It was an amazing night. I sucked his cock and he spanked me and then fucked me and … and I had plenty of hookups where those things happened, but I never had any other hookups like that one.” Noah paused, swallowing. “He left me breakfast and there was this pretty, vibrant little flower on the tray and, and I took it. I wanted something to remember him by because I’d been too stupid to get his name. I’ve always regretted that, you know.” 

He chanced a glance at Dan and a tentative smile, then looked back down at the shadow box in his hands. This time, instead of staring blankly at it as he tried to figure out what to say, he traced the shape of the flower with his fingertip.

“Imagine my surprise when I found out that same guy needed an actor for this marvellous thing he was creating. How could I do anything _but_ jump at the chance to be a part of it?” Another flick up and this time, Dan’s gaze caught and held his. There was so much there, not least an aching vulnerability that stole Noah’s powers of speech. He took a deep breath and tried to find something to say. Finally he shook his head and let go of trying so hard to find the perfect way to phrase this. “I mean that, you know. I read the script and fell in love with the concept before I watched those clips and realised you were connected. Before I,” another breath to bolster his courage, “before I fell in love with you as well.”

“Then _why_ , Noah? What happened? Why did you break up with me? What did I do wrong?”

Noah’s eyes widened. “ _Nothing_ , Dan, honestly. I was so worked up and I was trying to tell you that I wanted more and I was kicking myself for not having told you about recognising you and it was getting worse the longer I left it and …” he expelled a breath and stopped the spiral. “I got locked into the narrative in my head where I couldn’t see a way to make things happen the way I wanted them too and I lashed out.” He curled the shadow box into his chest and hugged it to himself. “I didn’t want to break up. I didn’t even realise that you might have interpreted it in that way until the next morning and so I texted you.” He sighed and dropped his gaze to the ground. “It’s not your fault that you believed the stupid thing that I told you and – the thing is Dan,” he looked up again, “I wasn’t lying but it still wasn’t the truth. It’s not that falling in love with you wasn’t happening, it’s that I _was_ and I wanted more and, even more, I wanted _you_ to want more. You’re always so busy and it seemed like if you wanted what I wanted, you wouldn’t be.” He hung his head. “I was spoiling for a fight and I yelled at you, expecting you to fight back but you didn’t. So I wasn’t sure if you felt any of what I was feeling and I couldn’t bring myself to ask. ”

Dan rocked back on his heels. “Well,” he said quietly, nodding as though to himself. “I was. I was feeling a lot.” He bit his lip and Noah felt his stomach drop into his knees as he waited for more.

When Dan didn’t continue, Noah knew he’d have to risk a direct question as he was unwilling to continue this pattern of wondering without finding out. “I’m sorry, Dan. I’ve been working a lot on not expecting people to read my mind ... and I’m trying not to assume what things mean without verifying. So, um, you said was?” he asked. Dan’s brow furrowed slightly in confusion and Noah cleared his throat to dislodge his heart enough to speak. He’d really have preferred it if his damn organs could stay in their proper positions for this conversation. “You said was. Like, past tense. A-are you not feeling things any more?”

Dan sighed and Noah tried not to read anything into it until he was told explicitly. “Part of me wishes I wasn’t, Noah, truly. The past year has been awful with you so close and yet so far out of my reach. I’m not even sure if I’ve processed what you said in your note or the fact that you kept the fucking flower or, hell, _ANY_ of this!” 

He searched Noah’s gaze and Noah tried to hold himself open to the perusal, however uncomfortable it made him. Dan was putting his own vulnerability on display, matching that was the least that Noah owed him if he really wanted this to move forward. And he so, so did.

Dan rolled his shoulders, tilting his head from side to side to crack his neck, then met Noah’s gaze again. He bit his lip and nodded once. “But yeah, Noah. Yes. I feel. I have feelings. Present tense. I,” he swallowed, “I love you, too.”

Noah whooped and threw himself at Dan, wrapping him tightly in his arms, shadow box squished against Dan’s back, and buried his face in Dan’s neck. Dan let out a bark of laughter and hugged him back.

“I’m so sorry,” Noah mumbled semi-coherently into the collar of Dan’s sweater.

“You fucking asshole,” Dan said fondly, kissing Noah’s temple. This time it was Noah who laughed, pulling his head back to look up at Dan. His eyes locked on Dan’s lips as they moved in and suddenly Dan was kissing him. Noah let go of all his fear that this would never happen again and gave himself up to Dan’s mouth. He felt Dan’s lips open and instantly opened his own to welcome Dan’s tongue as it slid in, tentative at first and then sure and strong. His own tongue met it and they danced a bit, curling around each other, before he sent his forth into Dan’s mouth, needing to relearn the taste of him. He groaned and Dan answered in kind as his hands slid down to Noah’s hips and yanked him closer, fingers digging in hard. Noah hoped they left marks so that he’d have proof that this was real when he woke up tomorrow.

A wolf whistle sounded nearby and they broke apart, Noah suddenly acutely aware that they were still standing on his porch. He smiled sheepishly at Dan, whose eyes had widened in alarm, then flipped off Dustin, the origin of the whistle. He heard Dustin’s chuckle and said, “I think it’s time to take this inside,” before grabbing Dan’s arm and putting actions to words.

Once the door was safely locked, he set the shadow box down on the table and reached for Dan again. He came willingly into Noah’s arms but hesitated when Noah went in to continue their kiss. “Is it ok that he saw that Noah?” Dan asked nervously.

Noah smiled and kissed Dan’s nose, then his chin, before replying, “Yes, Dan. It’s fine. I shouldn’t have been so weird about it before.”

Dan smiled but still held off. “It’s not weird to want to control the narrative around your coming out, Noah.”

Noah reached a hand up to cup the back of Dan’s neck and pull him in so that their foreheads rested against each other. “No, maybe not, but that’s not what it was. I-I didn’t want to date you officially without having told you everything and I kept putting it off and then everyone knew anyway. I’m sorry, Dan.” He shook his head, rolling it against Dan’s. “I promise to work on not having so many things to apologise for.”

Dan smiled and kissed him. “Deal. Me too.”

* * *

They undressed each other quickly between kisses, their movements _just_ short of frantic. Noah nibbled at Dan’s collarbone as he unfastened Dan’s pants and Dan toed off his shoes. Noah kissed his way down Dan’s chest, pausing at each nipple to lash with teasing flicks of his tongue, and it was so reminiscent of their first night together, of the night they hadn’t known each other, that Dan was breathing heavily, cock hard and straining with need, by the time Noah landed on his knees with his face nuzzling through Dan’s boxer briefs. Noah slid his hands up Dan’s thighs and tugged his waistband down.

He inhaled sharply and sat back on his heels, blinking at Dan. Dan looked down in confusion.

“Noah?” he asked. “What’s wrong?”

Noah shook his head and looked up at him. “When did you get these?” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to the tattoo that ran just inside the jut of Dan’s left hip bone. There, rendered in astonishing detail and a vibrant purple hue, was a copy of the flower he’d given Noah all those years ago. Noah dropped a kissed to the tattoo on Dan’s other hip, an electric blue ball of yarn pierced by two knitting needles, then moved his mouth back to the left side. Dan groaned as Noah traced the delicate petals with his tongue, then shivered as Noah bit the places where each flower joined the stalk, then soothed the bites with his tongue.

“Dan?”

Dan jolted as Noah licked along the length of the tattoo again. “Um, I, uh, I got the ball of yarn years ago but I added the sweet pea about a week after that night,” he admitted, somewhat sheepishly, “as a reminder that taking chances can be the right decision and to ask for what I want.” He cupped a hand around Noah’s jaw and slid slowly to his own knees, bringing them face to face. “You were so sexy that night, standing there with your cock hard and your face flaming as you asked me to spank you. I wanted to remember to channel that courage to go after the things I wanted. I also have regrets about that night, Noah.”

Noah clenched his jaw and looked down, as though preparing himself to take whatever Dan had to say. Dan tipped his face back up and shook his head.

“No, babe, I don’t mean I regret that it happened. I regret that I didn’t beg you to tell me your name or leave you a business card or something. That night was amazing and I had no way to get in touch with you and it sucked.”

Noah searched Dan’s gaze and Dan held himself open. “I-I looked for you, you know? I went back to Buddies every weekend for months.”

Dan sighed and kissed him. “I’m sorry, Noah. I got called to an audition in New York and left three days after that night.” He shook his head ruefully. “I didn’t even get the part and would much rather have been back at Buddies, finding you again.” He kissed Noah again. “I’m glad we did finally find each other though.”

Noah grinned and kissed him back. “Me too.” He slid a hand down to trace his fingers over the tattoo once more. “A sweet pea, huh? Is that what this is?”

Dan smiled. “Yeah. According to the concierge at that hotel, it’s a flower you send to say thank you and, well, I had a lot to appreciate that night.”

Noah’s fingers moved to Dan’s cock and Dan groaned as they gripped his shaft. He pulled Noah’s face to his and kissed him, hard, moving his own hands to Noah’s waist, unfastening his jeans, and dipping his hand below the waistband of Noah’s underwear. Noah hissed into his mouth and jerked his hips, thrusting into Dan’s hand and tightening his own grip on Dan’s cock.

Dan pushed Noah’s boxers down and broke their kiss just long enough to lick his hand, before wrapping both cocks in his grip and seeking Noah’s mouth again. Noah groaned and put his own hand over Dan’s. They kissed and jerked and groaned and then Noah caught his breath and tensed, before throwing his head back and coming, which pulled Dan over the edge.

They laughed as come spattered their chests, one ambitious stream even managing to splash against Noah’s ear. Dan swooped in and sucked the lobe into his mouth, not knowing or caring whose come he was lapping up, then ran his tongue all the way along the shell and down again to tug on the lobe with his teeth. Noah whimpered, obviously overcome with sensation, and Dan revelled in the sound.

He got to his feet and held out a hand to help Noah up. “Shower?”

Noah grinned. “Yes, please.”

They lost the remnants of their clothing on the way to the bathroom and Noah pressed Dan into the door, their come-slick chests sliding against each other as they kissed. Noah’s hands ran through the thick hair on Dan’s chest and Dan shook his head, amused and trying not to be overly self-conscious about the contrast of his thick, dark chest hair in comparison to Noah’s smooth pale flesh. Noah swirled his fingers, making lil peaks of hair, and Dan grabbed his hand to stop him, laughing and dragging him the rest of the way into the bathroom. “No more art in my chest hair,” he declared firmly before turning on the shower.

“I had a whole pretty motif thing I was working on over your heart.” Noah fake pouted but couldn’t hold it and laughed right back at him. His eyes lit up. “Hey, that rhymes! I should put it in a song! My art on your heart!”

Dan swatted at him, laughing. “Don’t you dare.” 

As they clambered into the shower and soaped each other, kissing and playing, getting most of the come off but not really focusing as hard on cleanliness as they were on each other, Dan felt his heart swell. He’d missed this so much. He’d missed the joy of his connection with Noah.

Noah kissed him, pulling him back from his reverie. “Hey,” he said softly, “where’d you go?”

Dan smiled and kissed him back. “I didn’t go anywhere. Just thinking about how glad I am to have you back,” Dan answered.

* * *

They dried each other off and, as with the shower, the exercise was more fun than it was effective. Noah felt like a weight had been lifted, leaving him light and free, and he could see the same change in Dan. He kicked himself for leaving this so long. They could’ve been doing this for ages! Shaking his head, he kissed Dan and towed him over to the bed, which they fell on together, laughing and kissing.

Dan’s phone went off in the other room and Noah tensed. Dan kissed his nose. “That’s my alarm,” he said. “I need to send a quick text and then I’m all yours, I promise.”

He padded off into the living room and Noah propped himself on his elbows to watch him. Dan smiled fondly at whatever he saw on the screen, then typed quickly and waited for a reply. When it popped up he smiled again and tossed his phone on the couch. He turned back to Noah and grinned, then cocked a hip to one side and sauntered toward him, nakedness on full display.

Noah watched his walk avidly. When Dan paused at the foot of the bed, Noah reached up to him. “C’mere,” he said and hauled Dan down on top of him. They kissed lazily, legs twining around each other and hands exploring. Dan drew his fingertips up Noah’s flank, knowing how sensitive the flesh was there, and Noah moaned and writhed under him. In retaliation, Noah curled his fingers into Dan’s hair and pulled his head to the side, sinking his teeth into the flesh at the junction of Dan’s neck and shoulder. Dan groaned and went boneless on top of him. Noah relished the feeling of Dan’s weight coming down on him and licked along the flesh he still held between his teeth. Dan’s hips spasmed into his.

“Noah, god, fuck, _NOAH_ ,” he gasped as Noah eased his teeth, but not his mouth, off, sucking at the spot he’d bitten. Noah could feel Dan’s cock hardening against his thigh and smiled against Dan’s skin.

Dan yanked his mouth up for a searing kiss, desperately thrusting his tongue into Noah’s mouth as his hips mimicked the motion. Noah pulled back and gasped for breath, wrapping his legs around Dan’s waist and rolling his hips up so his ass pressed against Dan’s cock. They both groaned.

“Will you fuck me, Dan?” Noah asked. “Please, Dan, please will you fuck me,” he begged, emphasising each word with a wriggle of his ass against Dan’s cock. Dan kissed him again, his hands sliding down to grip Noah’s ass and squeeze.

“Yes, Noah, fuck, yes I’ll fuck you. Fuck yes,” Dan was practically babbling and Noah loved that he could reduce this man, this articulate, funny, _gorgeous_ man, to a jumble of words.

He reached over and pumped a handful of warm lube, then reached down and slicked a finger inside himself.

Dan swatted his hand away. “That’s _mine_ ,” he growled playfully, pumping his own measure of lube. “God, I missed this thing,” he said, smiling and replacing Noah’s finger with one of his own. He pressed in gently, mouth locked once more on Noah’s. Noah relaxed around the finger and moaned into Dan’s mouth when Dan crooked it against his prostate. A little more lube and a second finger joined the first, scissoring inside Noah to prepare him for Dan’s cock.

He pushed himself back onto Dan’s fingers, arching his back and sucking hard on Dan’s tongue. Dan groaned against him and inserted a third finger.

“Please, Daniel, please fuck me,” Noah whined, loving the light in Dan’s eyes at his name on Noah’s lips.

Dan stroked lube onto his cock, then pushed Noah’s knees into his chest, positioning his cock at Noah’s entrance. They both groaned as he thrust inside. Dan’s hands came up and twined their fingers together, raising Noah’s arms above his head as Dan thrust in to the base and held there a moment, leaning down to kiss Noah. Noah squirmed under him, trying to get him to move, needing the friction, and Dan grinned into the kiss and pressed more of his weight into Noah, holding him still.

Noah whimpered.

Dan held off one more moment and then pulled his hips back and slammed them hard into Noah’s ass. Noah moaned, “ _DAN_ iel,” as Dan’s cock lit him up from the inside again and again, thrusting harder and faster as Noah unraveled underneath him. When Noah felt his balls tense in preparation for his orgasm, Dan backed off and slowed his pace, kissing him languorously. He sped up again, backing off once more before Noah crested the peak. Noah yanked on his hands, trying to free one up to wrap around his cock, and Dan tightened his grip on them.

“Ah ah ah, Noah,” Dan said. “You don’t get to touch yourself right now. I’ve got you at my mercy and I fully intend to keep you there until your ass is imprinted with the shape of my cock. I’ve spent too long dreaming of having you again to rush this.”

It was too much. It wasn’t enough. Noah thrashed wildly, trying to work himself on Dan’s cock and press his own neglected cock into Dan’s belly, but Dan just lowered more of his weight again, pinning Noah in place as he fucked him. Dan brought him to the edge again and again until Noah couldn’t remember his own name, though he somehow managed to keep chanting Dan’s.

Dan moved his hands together, rearranging his grip so that he held both of Noah’s in one of his. He traced his fingertips down Noah’s flank and Noah shivered, babbling Dan’s name and begging for release. Dan’s hand pulled away and Noah tried to take a deep breath, which immediately exploded out of him as Dan’s free hand came down _HARD_ on his ass and suddenly Noah was coming, screaming, “ _DANIEL_ ” before losing the ability to make words and groaning as his orgasm overtook him. He felt Dan’s hips lock into his own release at the sound.

“Whoa- _uuuuuunnnnnnffffff_!”


End file.
